


pauses, then says...

by rightintoplace



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Haylor, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22528420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightintoplace/pseuds/rightintoplace
Summary: Taylor and Harry are best friends but when one of them revealed something they shouldn't, everything changed.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Character, Harry Styles/Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to post this right away so this was unedited, sorry for any mistakes.  
> This is my first story on AO3 I really hope you like it

It just slipped.

By the time Taylor had realized what she had said, it already came out of her mouth. She couldn't quite get the image out of her head. How the silence fell between them right after the words left her lips. And she couldn't take it back.

Out of all the scenarios of it happening in her head, this wasn't quite what she imagined. Of course in the past she had imagined of how this might go - if she had the courage to say it that is - but it was never quite like this. In silence, as he stared back at her with his eyes just blank and him walking out the door without saying a word.

She wished she could take it back. But she couldn't.

Taylor feared that this might ruin their relationship, something that always stops her from saying it in the past, and now... she feared she might be right.

She replayed the moment on her mind over and over, analyzing how she could have let it slipped. Nothing. It just happened.

But how could it just happened. How could you confess your love for one of your best friend just happened.

She tried being positive and hoped that there's a possibility that he would take it as a friendship thing, cause friends say it all the time, right? But they don't.

She wished it could have happened differently, if she ever said it. She wished that it wasn't just a slip up, it was that she really wanted to say it. That it wasn't in an unfamiliar, dark lit room at school. At the very least, she wants herself to be ready when she said it.

Perhaps if that had happened instead of what really did, she would not end up here. Staring blankly at the ceiling, her phone right next to her pillow, waiting for it to ring when she knew that it wouldn't, but still she hoped it would.

It didn't.

When it did ring though, it's her mom telling her to go downstairs for dinner. Her mom never did like walking up the stairs, or yelling for that matter.

It took her quite a minute to actually come down. She rid herself of her stress so she won't be in a bad mood when she's with her family and bring everybody's mood down as well. A skill she's gotten pretty good at, actually.

Taylor was smiling when she came downstairs, just missing the skip in her steps. Not like anyone would notice. She went on with her evening like she always would. She helped clean the dishes then went back to her room. No one suspected a thing.

But back inside her room, Taylor didn't open her laptop to watch a movie like she normally would, or call up one of her friends like she sometimes do when she has troubles. But she couldn't. Because non of her friends knew this. Taylor only ever told one friend about her feelings for Harry and it was only because Sophia was drunk and Taylor knew she wouldn't even remember it. She barely remember things Taylor told her when she was sober.

Now she's just confused. There were so many thoughts in her head, she couldn't focus on just one. Her phone in her hand, she still subconsciously hoping that his name would come up. But of course, it didn't. Not even as she slept.

The next day wasn't as normal, though. Her dad had dropped her off at school after she realized her usual ride showed no sign of picking her up.

"He has to run some errands," she lied, when her parents asked her why her friend wasn't picking her up. To her relief, they didn't ask anymore questions though she suspected they didn't buy her reasoning. Taylor never was a good liar. She was good at hiding secrets, sure, not so much lying though.

Taylor arrived just right at the bell, a minute later and she would have been late. She skipped making a stop through the garden like she would other days, instead she ran straight to class.

Once she made it to class, Taylor made her way to her usual seat. Third row in front of the teacher's desk. It was far enough for the teacher to not see her and not suspicious enough for them to bother paying attention to. It was perfect, she thought when she first picked the spot.

Taylor tried her best to pay attention to the lesson, but her mind went elsewhere. Her sleep deprived eyes weren't helping either. Her insomnia was taking a toll on her, her mind was spinning from the lack of sleep she had in the last couple of days. She just needed a couple of minutes.

The arms on the clock seemed to move so slowly. Taylor stared at it as if it would make it move faster... it only made them seem slower. She turned her attention to the screen showing the presentation, trying so hard to focus on the writing or what the teacher was saying but alas failed as her mind is already half asleep. At this point she was just trying to keep her eyes open as the last time she slept in class, well let's just say she was not Mrs. Drew's favorite student.

The words flew above her mind and the more she tried to focus, the more her mind told her to close her eyes. Opening her notebook, Taylor took a pen and pretended to write notes when actually she was scribbling nonsense trying to keep herself from drifting off. She would copy notes from her classmate later anyway. She looked up at the clock again, hoping at least some time has gone by, but it only showed about ten minutes since the last time she looked.

When the bell finally rang, she's the first one out the door, not that it made much of a difference since she still waited for Sophia to come as well.

As Taylor walked beside her best friend through the hallway, she was subconsciously careful of her surroundings, wary of the green eyed boy she dreaded to see and yet she hoped she would.

"I'm gonna head straight to class, 'tryna fit some sleep in," she informed Sophia, who only nodded.

Class didn't start for another 10 minutes, so Taylor figured she could get some shut eye. She did for a couple of minutes. With her head on her arms, they were bound to get cramps. But when she got her energy back, it was worth it.

Chemistry, she liked. Which would confuse some people as it was not the easiest subject. But her memory was alright and numbers just comes naturally to her, so to her it was okay. And Mrs. Iris, though most didn't like her, was Taylor's second favorite teacher just behind her English teacher, Ms. Gina. Sure Mrs. Iris was tough and she's stingy when it comes to grades. Taylor thinks she's just trying to treat people equally, fairly, and doesn't even bother with unreasonable excuses.

As the other students start filling up, it's easy to notice the one she was waiting for. Taylor's body stiffened as Harry appeared at the door. She tried to distract herself and look somewhere else. He didn't even look at her when he walks past. Of course, Taylor already half expected him to do just that, but it still hurt that he opted not to sit next to her like he usually would.

Taylor didn't want to think too much of it, instead she focused on the lesson. Finishing her worksheet like a walk through the park, quicker than she would before due to the person who would often ask her questions suddenly disappearing. Taylor waited in her seat until someone else collected their paper first. She didn't like being the first one. No one likes a smartass.

\-----

They were loud when they're together. But what do you expect from a group of eight girls. Grace and Dani were talking about the weekend they had with their boyfriends and the rest of them were just laughing along. They really were loud. People who didn't know them would probably think they're freaks, and if you asked them, they wouldn't deny it.

They were a bunch of weirdos put in a group but that's why they were so close. Liz was the loudest, her laugh could most likely be heard from the parking lot. Taylor really was the happiest when she was with her girl friends. They were the only ones that could take her mind away from her problem.

"He started talking about his turtle then I swear to god cried!" Grace exclaimed. Everyone laugh uncontrollably. "I had to give him a rock and pretended it was his turtle 'Kirby' so that he would stop. I swear if it wasn't for that pretty face i would've left him a long time ago."

"Grace, he was high," Dani chimed in.

"Still doesn't explain why he named his turtle Kirby does it?"

And the conversation went on and on until eventually all of their stomach hurt from laughing too hard. They were aware of the stares they were most definitely getting, they just simply didn't care. It was almost like it's their own little world.

"Grace, can you sit next to me in Physics?" Taylor asked with pleading eyes.

Grace nods, indicating a yes. From the outside, it might seem like she is just a last resort and Taylor was afraid Grace thought the same, but Grace knew better. She knew that Taylor needed a friend.

"Harry's not gonna mind?"

"No, I think he's fine," she smiles. He probably didn't want to sit next to her anyway.

The two of them walk to class together, which was not out of the ordinary as they almost always have lunch together.

As she expected, Harry was already in class. He's always early for Physics. Only this time he wasn't in his usual seat, rather one in the back with what appears to be his other friends? She's not sure. She never really seen them together before or she wasn't paying attention. But it wouldn't surprise her if he just became friends with them right then. He was friendly that way.

Taylor has to snap herself back to reality. Turning her head to one of her best friend. Grace looked at her as if she knew something's wrong and then offered a smile, which Taylor couldn't help but always return.

One of the reason why she loved Grace is that she never pushed her to tell her something she wasn't comfortable talking about but still tried her best to support her. Even if you don't tell her what exactly was going on, she just knew, or at least knew something was off.

So without even saying, Grace would be there for Taylor with no questions asked. And without being asked.

"Stay grounded. Have faith. Don't overthink about things you can't control," Grace would always tell her. And Taylor would keep that in mind. Grace often tells Taylor that she was the most patient and wisest person she knew, though Taylor was - at least to herself - far from it, what Grace didn't know was how significant of a role she played in making Taylor that way. She thanked god, they didn't let their little quarrel in freshman year separate them.

But back to the lesson.

Taylor's brain was not built for physics. Not when Mr. Jeff was teaching. For all her life, Taylor has yet to meet someone who talks as slow and quietly as he did and yet be as bitchy as he was. If she was being honest, most of the reason why she couldn't answer his questions, was because she couldn't even hear them. And asking him to repeat it was just a death wish. She swore he had a vendetta against her. Taylor was not being dramatic when she says she despised him. He knew it too, and the feeling was mutual.

Mr. Jeff often caught her doodling things in her notebooks instead of doing the practice sheets. But he couldn't give her a bad grade because all of her test grades are above average, partly thanks to her diligent curly headed friend. But today was different.

Taylor was too scared to ask Grace for help, knowing she didn't like being asked and she certainly won't ask Harry. So she had to deal with it by herself, no matter how much she was struggling. Scanning through her notes, trying to find the right formula. Eventually, she found the right one and finished the assignment, even though she took longer than most.

When she came home that day, once again she was asked why Harry hadn't dropped her off instead it was Sophia who actually did, and again she had to lie. Taylor wonders if the lies would caught up to her, as her mom and Harry's were buddy buddies. Maybe Harry had told her or maybe it wasn't important enough for him to tell.

The silence in her room bothered her, so she linked up her phone to her speakers. A soft melody started to play but she couldn't be bothered with it and instead switch to a more aggressive tune because truth is she was mad at herself. There was no one to blame but her and one way she found to let her out her frustration was through music.

She let the bass filled the room as if it would drown the world outside. For a time, for her, it did.

Taylor picked up an old sketchbook from her desk. It was an old, purse-sized sketchbook with a beautifully carved wooden hard cover. It was a gift from her brother, from Egypt of all places, when she told him what she wanted to do after high school. It was his way of showing his support. She especially liked this one because it wasn't too big that it could fit in her purse and she could bring it with her anywhere.

With the book in her hand and a single pen, she hopped back on the end of her bed. Adjusting the pillows on her back to make herself comfortable before leaning back.

She took off the cap of her pen and went through her sketchbook to find an empty page. She had recently tried to draw using a pen rather than a pencil because someone told her it was a way to practice self trust. Often times people doubt themselves or their work and with a pencil you could easily erase them, but with a pen it's not that easy because once the ink touches the paper that's it, you could have doubts about it but you can't erase it, you can only add it and improvise.

The theory sounded simple at first, but after a few times of trying, Taylor always finds herself unsatisfied with her work and end up throwing them in the trash.

For a moment she only stared at the blank paper, it wasn't that she didn't have an idea in mind. Much as she tried, her hand was frozen and the pen was only hanging from her fingers. She sighed, feeling defeated, again. Putting the pen on her bedside drawer exchanging it for a pencil.

With the music blaring through her ear drums, she finally decides to scribble some shapes, combining everything turning them into a realistic object. She erased parts of them she didn't feel right about.

Halfway through, she stopped. Suddenly the heavy bass switched to a softer sound. Ironically, that became too loud for Taylor. Annoyed by the sound, she shut it down and tried to finish her sketch. Once again, she only stared at the unfinished work, suddenly uninterested. She lost the mood.

Finally she decides to just close it and put it back on her desk. She'll finish another day when the mood strikes back. Whenever that may be.

\---

A week goes by and nothing changed. And by nothing she meant everything did. Her dad had been dropping her off at school every morning and if she couldn't find a ride home, then she'd take the bus. If someone asked, she'd answer with the same thing, "he's busy." Maybe he was. She wouldn't know.

It's been a week and Harry still hadn't look at her, let alone talk to her. Sometimes they pass by each other in the hallway or in class, which was inevitable considering they have three of them together, but he would always turn away. It felt like a breakup, only harder. It's always hard losing a friend. Having someone that was practically always with you every second of the day to being complete strangers.

Taylor still could't believe she ruined their friendship with three simple words. The thought never left her mind. She felt like she wanted to punch herself in the face. She regretted it.

She missed him, more than she was willing to admit. She missed his laugh, his smile, his snarky remarks, his awful jokes, but more than anything, she missed her friend.

There were many times when she wanted to walk up to him and explain or just talk to him really. But every time she tried to approach him, he seemed to turn the other way. She wanted to text him, but she was never good at it to begin with. So she didn't.

A week after, she finally gave in. Taylor had called him three times, each time it would go to voicemail. When it went to voicemail for the fifth time, she finally admitted her defeat that he wouldn't answer and just left a message.

"Hey it's Taylor.... um... you already knew that. Um I know that you don't wanna talk to me but I just-" sighed, "I- I'm sorry, I- I didn't know what I was thinking.... It's been a while, can we just- can we just talk? I just- I miss you... I wish I could take back what I said." Paused. "I don't really know what to do, I just- I just need my friend back. I'm sorry," her voice cracked slightly, she composed herself when she noticed. "I guess that's all I called to say, I'm sorry, bye Harry."

He still didn't respond.

A couple of days later there were rumors going around that he had been seeing someone, which confuses Taylor because he never told her about seeing anyone. She guessed she shouldn't have expected to.

What's worse, was how she found out. Of course her girl friends would ask her about it. Their curious little minds. Little did they know that they probably know a lot more than she did at the moment.

Taylor felt betrayed, almost. Like he rubbed salt in her wound. But she knew she shouldn't be. Who was she to have a say in what he did with his life. She wasn't anything to him.

It really did confused her though, why he never mentioned it. Not once. She guessed that they both had secrets. It just so happens that hers slipped out.

Taylor tried calling him, one last time. Partly because then she could tell herself that she tried. At this point, she's just tired. This thing was starting to feed her already depressed self. She won't let it go on. For her own sake.

When he still didn't respond, she took it as a sign to move on. She needed to eventually. And it seemed that Harry was already way past moving on.

For her, though, the idea of moving on wasn't as difficult as actually doing it. Taylor tried hard though. Replacing old habits that might include him, with new ones.

She took a bus to school, to not bother her dad, and another back home. Grace would tutor her after school sometimes. She found herself calling Sophia more often. And in her sleepless nights, she plugged in her headphones listening to a playlist she recently made instead of going on a midnight drive.

But there were some habits that Taylor just couldn't shake off. But now, she just did it alone. Like how she still walked through the garden at school in the morning whenever she's early which was rare, or that she still goes to their favorite coffee shop after school, Café Rabella, indulged in her book or sketch, or to the gallery just to admire the aesthetics.

None of them felt the same. No matter how much she pretended like it is.

Her friends most definitely noticed the change. Who wouldn't. But they - mostly - didn't ask. They respected her privacy and she was grateful. They knew it had to be something serious considering how significant and how quickly she changed. And it was easy to noticed the only factor missing. They noticed it in her mood, the way she acts at times, especially when his name came up, most visibly how she didn't spend as much time - or any at all - with him anymore. As curious as they were, they trust that she would tell them when she's ready.

There was one evening, a Wednesday, when for a brief moment, she felt like it was okay. She saw him, walking in the aisle at the gallery, alone. Lavender sweater, a bandana around his head, skinny jeans and all. Gorgeous. He stopped at one of the painting, their favorite piece of art, simply because they thought the colors were pretty. A colorful abstract painting of harsh brush strokes by a local artist, "Fluorescence" by David Bassel. Even the title was fascinating to her. Taylor thought she caught a glimpse of him smiling at it or it might just be her mind tricking her into thinking she saw what she wanted to see, but she doubt that. Maybe they weren't all that different.

It took everything to not walk up to him and just act like the way they used to. But it's not as it used to be. And she didn't walk up to him. But she did, however kept her attention on him, watching him from beside a wall. She must have looked like a crazy stalker and there was a chance that he would feel that someone was watching him. But at the time the thought didn't cross her mind at all.

Taylor wondered how often did he come here nowadays. Was it as often as it used to be? Was it hard for him like it is for her? Did he think of her when he saw that painting? Did he even think of her at all?  
\---

Taylor was internally beating herself up for taking too long to put on make up. The result, she couldn't enter class even after she ran across the building. Well she probably could enter but she doubt Mrs. Drew would be too happy about it.

She was debating whether or not she should go in when another person appears in the hallway. Hair in a perfect quiff and body in a perfect stance. Aaron Peterson. Taylor knew him, obviously. He was quite popular. The mysterious guy everyone's dying to know about, she thinks he's just quiet. She's talked to him before, in class or even before class since she's late to class a lot lately but they've only spoken a few words. She thinks he's nice. She didn't know too much about him, other than girls swooning over him.

"You're not coming in?" he asked when he got closer.

She shrugged, "I don't know. I don't have the best track record with Mrs. Drew."

He chuckles and Taylor finds it quite charming. Then his expression turned like his remembering something and spoke, "yeah, it's probably best you don't."

"You wanna go get breakfast?"

It's the first time he ever asked her, even though they've talked in a situation like this quite often recently. Other times he would just leave.

"You're not coming in too?"

"I don't have the best track record either," he grinned. Taylor was not surprised at the fact. She rarely sees him in class. And if he did attend, he was almost always late. He flashed a teethy smile and she couldn't resist. She would be lying if she said she wasn't interested. Like everybody else, she too has a crush on him, but did it even count when everyone practically has a crush on him as well.

So she agreed, not really having much else to do. They went to a diner outside of school. Aaron was not fond of the crowd at the cafeteria, he told her. That makes two.

Aaron ordered the regular American breakfast while she has waffles. They shared a nice conversation. Taylor thought he was more talkative than when she had talked to him previously. She found herself enjoying his company. The conversation was light and didn't feel forced. It wasn't often that she felt like that. Like she didn't have to think about the next topic as she was talking.

Aaron wasn't as she expected. That became evident when he talked about school. He didn't feel like he fit in, which Taylor found strange. For someone like him, who in Taylor's mind almost had it all, to feel like he didn't belong. He told stories about his past time in an all boys boarding school. How he actually felt like a part of a family and they would look out for each other. It was clear to her that he missed them. They were the brothers he never had, it seemed.

Taylor couldn't say she doesn't understand, because she did. There was almost like a food chain and it was clear who fell where. She knew where she stood too and she wasn't in the top tier for sure, her group of girl friends were but her individually... If it wasn't for them, she would not survive. She hated it: the system. But that's just how it was. It was high school.

Taylor was relieved that they found something to talk about rather than just sit in awkward silence.

He also talked about his mom which Taylor found endearing. She could tell how much he depended on her. He's quite charming, she thinks. Not that she ever found otherwise, but it's a different kind this time. She figured she was just getting to know him. He was kind and polite, always smiling and thanking the waiter whenever she came over. Aaron also paid for the meal despite Taylor arguing that they should split. But he kept insisting and with that charming smile she couldn't say no.

On the drive back, Taylor noticed how attractive he actually was. One hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear. His eyes focused on the road, though sometimes she caught him glancing at her for a moment. When that happened, she'f blush. She took in the sight of him rather than the road they passed. She stopped immediately, afraid that he'd noticed.

They finally went their separate ways when they got back. Having different classes and all that. But Taylor had a good time with him and hoped that they could do something like that again sometime.

And they did.

From then on, hanging out with Aaron had been a frequent thing. They had been carpooling since he found out that Taylor needed a ride. At times when they're late - which was quite a lot these days - they would go have breakfast together. And after school, he would drop her off.

As time went on, their friendship quickly turned into something else. Aaron had been the one to ask her out and it surprised her at first because she didn't expect him to feel that way about her much as she had secretly been about him. Taylor felt weird when they first started going on dates.

The first date they went to a really fancy italian restaurant because she mentioned she loved italian. It was awkward even though they've went to dinners before but this was the real thing. She had put on a simple navy blue flowy long sleeved dress and a pair of chelsea boots. She contemplated wearing heels but settled for an easy way out, and she liked how it matches the dress. After dinner, they drove around town till the night ended talking about whatever and it felt less awkward. There was no pressure of people watching them, not that there was anyone paying attention to them at the restaurant, but it was better when it was just them.'

She couldn't remember the last time she went on a real date. She was thankful that it was with him. They both found comfort in each other.

At the end of the night, he had dropped her off at her house. On her porch, he had kissed her so gently as if afraid that she might run. Maybe it was too fast, to kiss on their first date, but it didn't feel like it. It felt right. She kept the jacket he lend her sometime during their drive and he drove off.

On their next date they went to see a movie, and then the next he took her to an ice skating rink, and then the park, then the zoo, then another movie, then a picnic, then a museum, then a library - which was bizarre but then she thought it was thoughtful because they both loved to read.

Taylor didn't tell her friends - or family - until after they had a few dates just to be sure about it. And considering their reactions when she finally told them, she made the right choice. All of them practically had a meltdown. A few 'oh my god's were thrown around. Their jaws dropped like they couldn't believe it. Was it really that hard to believe that she could date someone like him. Taylor knew she's not perfect not even close but she was beautiful. What with her blue eyes and slender legs and her charming smile.

Her friends were happy for her. Glad that she was back to her old self again. Like she seemed genuinely happy. They knew something was different before Taylor even told them. It was in the way she carried herself, but they couldn't believe that that was the reason.

Regardless of her new found happiness, Taylor still thought about Harry, and she felt guilty about it but she accepted now that maybe she always would. When she's with Aaron though, the thought of him rarely comes into her mind, with the exception of the few events. Like when they went to dinner and she saw a 1949 Mercury, she had to stop herself from snapping a pic and sending it to him.

Harry, Taylor saw more often now that they have an upcoming event together. They don't purposely avoid each other anymore. Perhaps they came to an understanding. Taylor could feel him watching her from a distance, whenever she went home or when she walked into the room. But maybe it was just her.

To be honest, she hesitated joining the committee when she saw his name - and his girlfriend - on the list, not wanting any trouble, not sure why she thought it would cause any. But they just about beg her and Taylor wasn't a person who can say no.

It was late, and Taylor was so tired from having to change designs all day because the head of the event organizer is a bitch. She texted Aaron, informing him that she was still at the shack, a rented house for them to make properties and decors and stuff. Aaron, being the gentleman he was, offered to pick her up without her asking. And even though she didn't want to bother him, seeing as it was quite far, texted him the address. There was no point in arguing with him anyway and a bus just seems to be way too much work. She was already exhausted as it was.

Taylor bid her goodbyes to everyone and she thought she saw Harry watching her as she entered Aaron's car. But she was probably just seeing things, she doesn't trust her mind at the moment.

Aaron had kissed her goodnight before leaving her driveway. It was nice having someone to kiss her goodnight, even though they are not official yet. She felt content in having no labels.

\---

Her weekends were filled with committee meetings and ground work. She barely has time to see Aaron or her friends. Taylor was exhausted. Regardless, Taylor wouldn't have if any other way. One thing and the most important thing that came out of it was that she and Harry were on speaking terms again. Though not quite as close as they used to, but it was progressing every time.

It had started out simple and unexpected. Harry had defended her to the head of the decorating division. A gesture she had greatly appreciated. She smiled at him, letting him know just that. Working so close together had helped too.

"Could you-"

"Smooth out the edge? Yeah," he interrupted then doing just that.

"Great, thanks. It's been driving me crazy," she groaned.

Harry smirked, "i know it does."

Taylor watched as he rubbed the sandpaper over the edge of the board, making it smooth. Then she went back to her own work: painting the letters onto the board. She glanced back a couple of times to see how he was doing.

Despite everything, one thing they - and everyone apparently - knew, was that they made a really great team. They couldn't deny how well they worked together, a reason why they had always been put together in the past. They were in sync, always.

"You need a ride home?" Harry asked, rolling down his window.

"Actually, Aaron's gonna pick me up, but thanks for the offer," she answered honestly. He seemed disappointed but smiled nevertheless.

"Right. I'll see you tomorrow then," he said then quickly drove off before she has the chance to reply. Taylor was left dumbfounded.

\---

Taylor's head was spinning. She was completely beaten from all the work she's been doing recently. From school work to committee things and not to mention her insomnia never leaving. Arguments with Aaron wasn't helping either. He told her to quit the committee because it was taking up so much of her time and energy which was true for the most part, but still she disagreed. He was in no place to tell her what to do. And besides, she knew what she was getting in to when she joined.

But maybe she should have agreed to take some time off, seeing as now she was in the nurse room with a hot towel on her forehead. Taylor didn't call Aaron, partly still pissed and not willing to admit that he was right and partly because she didn't want to worry him, so instead she called Harry. And with no judgements - as she expected - he took her home safe and sound. He persisted to wait until one of her parents came home even though she asked him not to. Honestly she just needed sleep.

Taylor texted Aaron, Informing her that she already went home and that Harry took her. They did't keep secrets, after all.

Glad you're safe

He responded, and then another,

Get some rest

Then another,

I love you

She smiled at her screen, slightly feeling better already. She texted an 'i love you' back and locks her phone. It isn't the first time they had said it to each other. They had said it early on, much to her surprise. Every time they said it, she has that feeling in her stomach and her heart felt all warm. It was nice having someone say it back for a change.

Taylor looked up finding Harry staring at her with a warm smile. Her brows knitted and her smile turned to a frown.

"What?"

He just shook his head. "Get some sleep, love, I'll be gone when you wake up."

Taylor turned her body to her side, facing Harry who was sitting next to her bed. His eyes looked greener up close, it's the last thing she sees before shutting her eyes.

But sleep doesn't come easy for her, it never did. He should've known that. Taylor could feel the cold of his palm against her cheek, thumb caressing gently, could hear his breathing; slow and steady.

I missed you

A faint whisper. She wasn't even sure she heard it right. His thumb kept caressing her cheek until eventually the comfort put her to sleep.

After she got better, Aaron insisted that she took some time off or just not let herself over work. It was difficult at first, she liked working, it takes her mind off a lot of things. And when she's lucky, she'd go straight to bed the second she gets home because she's too tired. It was better than having no sleep at all, she thought. But she supposed that there was a limit to that, so this time she agreed. Telling Sienna she was taking a few days off was easier than she expected, she was thankful.

Aaron took her camping for a couple of days. Taking her away from stress and nature being relaxing and all that. Taylor was excited as it reminded her of her childhood where she often went camping with her then-friends.

The two days they spent on a mountain, away from everything did Taylor some good. She was a lot less stressed and was in a much better head space. She was so grateful for Aaron. The fact that he took time to plan and do this for her. She didn't know what she did to deserve him. He was so caring and kind and everything she could ever hope for. She loved him so much.

"Hey, are you feeling better?" Harry asked from the seat beside her. After they sort of ended their beef, Harry took back his old seat. Except in physics, which Grace still occupies. But it was a good thing, she supposed. Taylor didn't want her everything in her life to revolve around him.

"Much better actually," she smiled genuinely.

"That's great..." he starts then add, "cause I need to finish this worksheet and I can't do that if you go fainting on me."

Taylor smacked him in the arm playfully and she was almost sure it doesn't hurt despite his face. Taylor was glad that they were at place where they could joke around with each other again.

On Sunday, Taylor went to church with the rest of her family. Her dad was a well respected person in the church and everyone knew him. Taylor saw a few familiar faces as her father shook their hands. She couldn't remember their names and instead just offered them a smile.

It's been a while since she's been to church. It felt strange, almost. She was never religious.

As they sang the prayers or whatever, Taylor looked down at her salmon colored dress, hoping it was appropriate for the occasion. She kept trying to pull it down as if it would make it longer. She felt slightly uncomfortable. Her dress stopped at her knee and she didn't think much of it when she tried it on at home, but as she looked around, everyone else was way more covered up. She naturally felt self conscious. Out of place.

Taylor left earlier than everyone else to avoid having to greet everyone. Their house wasn't that far away, and so she walked. Her shoes were just a tad too small, enough to make blisters on her feet and she regretted her decision to walk in them.

Her house was empty. And it was for a while after. Her family still hasn't come home yet and she wondered what's taking them so long. But she doesn't let the thought bother her for too long. She wanted to call Aaron but he was probably still at church himself.

His parents just came home on Friday and he's been spending his days with them. She wanted to spend time with him too but she couldn't blame him, they rarely come into town.

Once again, she picked up the sketchbook sitting on her desk then returning to her bed. Flipping through the pages to the unfinished work. Taylor placed her finger that was holding the pencil over it and hold it still as if it was going to move by itself.

Taylor felt... uninspired. Nothing came to her mind. Usually, she would look at a blank paper and could vision a finished product. Now, even with half completed, she couldn't finish it. So again, she close it up and returned it to where she found it.

Sighing, she laid on her back on the centre of her bed. Her family still hasn't come back and the house was silent. Taylor was resting her eyes with her arms beside her when her heart suddenly beat rapidly and she couldn't breathe. She sat up quickly, taking quick deep breaths. Her eyes wide and her head turned side to side as if she's looking for something, something to focus on. She raked her fingers through her hair then to her chest, still breathing heavily, her blue eyes wandering around her room. She kept on taking deep breaths until her heart rate slowed down and she could feel the damp on her cheeks.

Then she was okay

She then reached for her phone and played whatever song she had to drown out the silence. The comfortable sound took over and she found herself singing along. Her mind focussing on the next words. And just like that she wiped her cheeks with her hands and laid back down, waiting for her family to come back.

The next day went on pretty normal. Taylor had math and history, had lunch with her friends, saw Aaron and went to the shack after school. The recital they were decorating for was in two weeks, so they need to start finishing. Putting up the walls for the hallway, testing out the lights for the neon paint, testing the framework hoping it holds.

One of the frameworks collapsed but it was kind of the point of testing it out two weeks prior, it was so they can repair and adjust before the real thing. Almost like a rehearsal for a play. Despite it being the point, it's still wasn't easy for them. They worked hard on it just to see it fall. Taylor didn't take it too hard though, just investigate what went wrong and tried to repair it.

Taylor was going out to go get some snacks from the nearest 7eleven when she noticed Harry and Kate on the front porch. Taylor couldn't understand the words they are saying but she's guessing they weren't very nice since there were some screaming involve.

They were fighting again, it's not a shocking sight. It's not the first time she witnessed it. But it seemed worse now, there was usually less shouting. The scene made her uncomfortable and she shouldn't be there so she sped inside.

They both went missing for awhile until Harry finally came back with a bottle in hand, Kate nowhere to be found. He seemed stressed, Taylor couldn't help but to approach him.

"You okay?" Taylor asked, concerned.

"Fine," he replied so harsh she almost went back inside.

His back was facing her while she walked towards him. He took a chug of the bottle of liquid in his hand before offering her, in which she politely declined.

Taylor stood beside him, keeping a safe distance. The smell of alcohol filled her sense though she knows he wasn't drunk. Not yet anyway. They just stood there in silence. Taylor is too afraid to ask questions and he was probably too pissed to talk.

After some time, Taylor finally gathered enough courage to speak, needing to know if her friend was okay, while still dancing around the point.

"Where's Kate?"

"She went home," still with the harshness in his tone.

"Oh," she spoke so softly almost like if any louder would tick the bomb.

"The lights worked perfectly, just like you said," Taylor informed him to lighten the mood.

"Great," with no excitement whatsoever.

She took a deep sigh.

"You know, if there's something going on you can tell me"

"I don't wanna talk about it," he said coarsely.

"I was just worried... You seem stressed... and I saw you two fighting earli-"

"Fuck Taylor, I said I don't wanna talk about it," he shouted, finally facing her. "Not with you."

She's taken aback. Unconsciously, she took a step back, away from him. She stayed silent, looking at his eyes that were filled with spite. He reached out the bottle again for her to take, scoffing loudly when she shook her head again.

"If you're not here to drink then you should go."

"O- okay," her voice faltered and she walked away.

Taylor cried that night over those simple words. It was dumb when she thought about it after, but it doesn't make it less hurtful. But even then, she hoped he made it home safely.

In the morning, Taylor was good as new. Smiling through the halls, fingers intertwined with her lover's. She didn't tell Aaron about last night, not wanting to make a fuss about it.

Aaron walked her to her class, stopping outside of the door.

Kissing her softly, "I'll see you after class."

Taylor smiled wide. She was smitten, still. Admiring every little gesture he made. It was still unbelievable to her that she was dating Aaron Peterson.

Mrs. Gina gave her a smirk as she entered the class and Taylor's cheeks goes red like she was just caught red handed. She was one of those teachers who always wanted to intrude on their students love lives. There was nothing to do other than just smile.

The class started and they were assigned to read a couple of pages from the presentation file they were sent. Taylor read them rather quickly and waits for everyone else to finish as well. Resting her chin on her hand she started looking around her, seemingly bored. Harry was still reading from the seat beside her. His hair has gotten so long, did the school even allowed that, she thought.

When they all finished, Mrs. Gina asked a few questions. All of them Taylor knows the answer to from what she can remember from the presentation but she didn't want to look like a know-it-all so she only answered once, well twice technically. There was one that she was itching to answer so she told the guy in front of her her answer.

Harry followed her out of the class calling her name. Taylor turned on her feet, waiting for him to catch up.

"About last night-"

"It's fine," she interrupted, not wanting him to continue. She forgave him, of course but she doesn't want to have to relive it.

"It's not," he gave her a look of regret and she knew he did. "I'm sorry."

She would believe him even if he hadn't apologize. Taylor knew that it wasn't his intention to hurt her, he was just stressed and drunk. Taylor doesn't want him to go the extra mile to apologize for something he didn't mean to do. But she thought it's easier for him to know that she accepted his apology.

"It's okay," she gave him a reassuring smile and a squeeze on his shoulder.

"Do you wanna go get McDonald's chips and ice cream before we go to the shack? I'm buying"

He really didn't have to do that, but how could she say no to fries and ice cream?

Taylor sat at one of the empty tables while Harry orders for the both of them. She took the time to let Aaron know where she is. He texted back not a minute later saying he was in soccer practice. She put her phone down when Harry came back with their orders.

Strawberry sundae and large fries for Taylor and chocolate sundae and another large fries for Harry. She squealed like a little girl when he handed her her ice cream. Harry found it amusing.

Instantly, she dipped one of her fries to her ice cream and takes a bite.

"This is soo good," she moaned dramatically. Harry just chuckled and rolled his eyes at her childish reaction. He then also dipped his own fries into his ice cream. He found it weird at first, when she told him to do it. When he tried it, he was shocked to find that the combination works and has done it ever since.

"These are the best fries I've ever had," she exaggerated -which she does every single time they have fries- with a mouthful. He couldn't take her anywhere he swears.

Before they left, Taylor asked him for a McFlurry even though they already had sundaes. She argued that it was hot outside while batting her eyelashes and ofcourse he obliged.

"I have to get something first," he told her when they pulled up in his driveway.

He opened the wooden door to his house which is unlocked. It's unsafe, she thought.

"Mum, I'm getting something from my room! And also Taylor's here!" Harry shouted before leaving her to go upstairs to his room.

Harry's mom emerged from the room next door which she had come to know to be the living room. His mom looked so young she can't believe she had a teenager.

"Taylor Swift, you look prettier every time I see you!" Anne complimented, approaching her to give her a hug.

Taylor giggled, appreciating the compliment. She had always liked Anne. She's very kind and funny, much like her son.

"Hey," Harry's little sister, Gemma greeted then fleeing up the stairs continuing with her business.

"Tell me dear, do you know anything about Harry's girlfriend? That boy never tells me anything."

"That makes two of us then," Taylor answered honestly.

"Mum can you please stop hovering Taylor?" Harry whined coming down the stairs carrying a guitar case in one of his hand.

"Okay, alright. Are you coming over for dinner?" His mom asked.

"I-"

"We still have work to do," Harry interrupted, answering for her. Taylor was slightly disappointed. She'd love to have dinner, actually but he was right; they still have lots to do.

"Alright, then you better get going. Drive safe darling." She hugged him and kissed his cheek. Taylor grinned from behind him. He was still such a mama's boy. It's sweet.

"A guitar, really?" She finally said once they get to his car. He placed the case in the backseat before getting in the driver's seat.

"We need entertainment!" He countered. "It's not good to just work all the time."

Taylor shook her head at him at how child-like he could be. He doesn't mind, smirking as he starts the engine.


	2. Chapter two

It was finally the after party.

The recital was a success, for the decoration team anyway. Nothing fell or crashed, they're taking that as a win. The show itself didn't go as smoothly. There were lighting issues and all sorts of mic problems, but it still went on.

Taylor had a few drinks. After the evaluation they had, she needed it. Even though she had thought it went well, the alumni still criticize them or her specifically. Picking apart every little detail, making up things just because they can. She was over it. Been there before.

Taylor didn't leave Sarah and Liz's side. It wasn't her idea to go in the first place. She figured she'd get free drinks while she's here. Taylor had asked Aaron to come with but he declined saying it wasn't his crowd and Taylor was okay with that. It wasn't her crowd either if she was being honest.

Sarah left to be with her boyfriend and Taylor was begging Liz to stay with her. Naturally, Liz has other friends whisking her away and Taylor was left alone. Fortunately, Taylor spotted an old friend sitting at the couch, Zara.

"Zee!" Taylor shouted from across the room but she didn't notice. She must've not heard her over the music, so Taylor approached her instead.

"Zee," Taylor repeated and finally getting Zara's attention.

"Taylor! Where have you been?!" She exclaimed excitedly. They did their handshake thing before Taylor sats down on the empty spot next to her.

"Me? What about you?"

Taylor was giggly and already a little bit tipsy, hence the giggling.

"You know, band stuff. We're recording some songs. Maybe you can write one for us."

"I'll think about it" nodding her head.

"I see Aaron is sitting this one out," she pointed out.

"Yeah, it's not really his thing."

Taylor was about to say something else but she got distracted by the sight of Harry and Kate making out against the wall. His hand wondering her body. She shouldn't be surprised considering they're together. She's just curious of what happened in the span of a couple of hours because Taylor was sure they were just fighting before the party.

Taylor averted her eyes when she's aware of how long she's been staring.

"I need to get a drink," she informed and got up before Zara could reply.

She poured whatever drink there was and quickly downs it from the red cup. The alcohol felt bitter in her mouth, tequila. It burned her throat as it went down.

On the way back to her seat, Taylor encountered the couple getting into a room and Taylor did not want to know what they're going to do in it.

She went home not long after. Really starting to feel the alcohol in her system. Wanted to hurl. She much preferred wine. Sarah had kindly offered to take her home despite her boyfriend.

A hangover was bound to happen, but there's nothing an aspirin and a cup of coffee couldn't fix. Though she did wake up later than most days.

Her breakfast was left cold by the time she came downstairs. Her family have eaten and already started their activities.

Taylor went into her parent's bedroom. Her mom laying on the bed watching her favorite show, 'Sherlock'.

"Hey sweetheart," she greeted when she noticed Taylor coming in. Taylor hops on the bed next to her mom, putting her arms around her stomach like a little kid. It's nice and warm in opposition to her tiredness.

"Had fun?" Her mom asked with a knowing grin. Her mom never restricted Taylor as long as she knows the consequences.

Taylor groaned, holding her mom tighter. She really was a big kid.

She spent the morning like that, cuddled up to her mom, watching shows together. Taylor wasn't distant from her parents, necessarily, but she wasn't close with them either. There were a lot of things Taylor kept from her family and she knew that it made a wedge between them. So she was grateful for times like these.

Her phone was left ignored, charging back in her room. It didn't even came to mind. When she got back to it, there are a few messages. Liz saying she's sorry she left her, Zee asking her to hang out sometime and Aaron asking if she got home okay and a few others she didn't bother to look. She answered some of them and put it back down. She wasn't in the mood.

All of a sudden she heard a shattered sound. Glass shattering to be exact. She quickly ran down the stairs. A broken vase with flowers scattered came into view. And beside it was the suspect, with a ball in his hands and a guilty look on his face.

"Caleb, just stay there!" She commanded. Irritated and worried at the same time. She chose her steps carefully, paying attention to where she placed her feet. The vase was fortunately yellow so it's not that hard to differentiate from the floor.

Taylor knelt to pick up the broken pieces, looking to make sure there wasn't any glass before she puts her leg down.

"I told you not to play inside the house," she mutters while still collecting the shattered pieces.

She cleaned up all the mess unscathed, thankfully. She would have been pissed if she had.

"Just take him to the field," her mom told her. Taylor is more annoyed now that she already had to clean up his mess and baby sit him. He was twelve, not a baby. Regardless, she took him anyway. His friends were already waiting for him when they got there, and Taylor wondered if this was all part of his schemes. If it was, she'd kill him.

She found a spot under a tree for shades. Plugging her earphones to her phone and choosing a calming playlist. The volumes are set to low so she could concentrate on the book her mom had given her about life in Germany. It's quite interesting, though not interesting enough for her to be obsessed with it. She only ever read it when she's bored.

It'd be nice though, to live in Germany. At least according to the book. It was a different part of the world, it seemed quite fascinating. How different it would be from living in this town.

"Hi, stranger," a familiar voice called though she was too focused on her book to look up.

"Have you ever been to Germany?" She asked, didn't even bother to greet him first. It seemed like a decent question in her mind since he's from the UK after all.

"A 'hi' would be nice too," he scoffed. "But no, 'd love to though."

She finally acknowledge his presence when he plopped down on the spot next to her. Taylor turned her head to him, taking out her earphones.

"Why?"

Harry gave her a confused look. "Why would you want to go there?"

"I don't know, it's beautiful, yeah?"

Taylor nodded, agreeing with his statement. Valid point.

"And history, perhaps?"

Taylor nodded approvingly.

"What are you doing here?" Taylor asked an unrelated question, one she probably should've asked first.

"I came by the house, your mom said you were here." He peered at her. His knees were bent against his chest, arms wrapped around it. "Just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Could've just texted."

"Well if you actually check your messages, you would know that I did, " smirking.

Unwittingly, Taylor took out her phone and looked through her messages. Indeed, he did text her. Three times to be exact. Now she felt bad. She didn't show him though.

"You looked like you had one too many," he added and Taylor took an offense to that.

"Like you would notice," Taylor sniggered, remembering what he was doing the night before. She's surprised he even noticed she was there, let alone paid attention to what she did.

There was silence after that. Maybe he didn't hear her or he just didn't want to talk about it. Either way works for her.

The sun was starting to set and they should really be heading home, neither of them showed a sign of getting up. The breeze hit her skin and she shivered. Maybe she should've worn something else. Subconsciously, she moved her body closer to Harry, finding the warmth in his presence. Their shoulders brushed and forearms touched. It feels warmer already.

It was short lived. Caleb had come back from his friends with an empty stomach.

"Do you wanna join us for dinner?" Taylor offered Harry. It felt rude not to, after all he did went out of his way just to make sure she was okay.

"Sure."

They drove in Harry's car, since Taylor and Caleb walked there. It wasn't far from her house but Harry didn't want to leave his car at her house.

"Harry, it's nice to see you around here again," her mom immediately gleam, not even acknowledging her own children.

"Me too," he charmingly smiled.

"How's your mom?" Her mom continued to question. Harry didn't mind answering but maybe he's just being polite.

They had dinner just the four of them. Taylor's dad was caught up at work and her older brother wasn't coming home this week. All through dinner her mom kept hovering Harry. Taylor thinks her mom missed him more than she did.

They had a nice meal and it wasn't awkward like Taylor expected, seeing as he hasn't been here in a while. Her mom didn't question him about that though, which she was thankful for. Taylor never told her what really happened, she had always said that he's just busy.

Harry went home after they clean up. Her mom had asked him if he wants to stay over in which he politely declined, and again Taylor was grateful for that.

\---

It was a nice day. The sky was clear and the wind not too strong like a breeze, the grass almost felt like it couldn't be greener. Taylor who wore a yellow sundress - which was something out of the ordinary - looked like she belonged in the scenery. She looked like a sunflower, Aaron thought. He couldn't help but admire her beauty, the sun shining behind her as he laid on her lap while she read. The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach. Taylor didn't understand baseball but the story fascinated her.

They were in Aaron's house, for a change. In his backyard on a spread out blanket he'd brought from inside. It was quiet. His parents weren't home. Aaron seemed in a trance. He'd smile whenever her lips turned into a frown knowing she probably had some sort of comment on her mind.

"What?" she asked and he realized he'd been staring for too long.

"What, I can't admire my girlfriend's beauty?"

"Not when she's trying to concentrate on her book."

She wanted to sound serious but a smile broke out anyway.

"You think Henry Skrimpander is more important than me?" he asked sounding serious as he sit up.

"It's Skrimshander," she corrected. "And no, he's not. But Mike Schwartz probably is. I'd marry him, I think."

He put his hand on his heart and act as if he was offended. Taylor smirked and took her attention back to her book.

"Okay, that's it," he took her book out of her hand in which she protested and reached for it. He put the book down behind him where she couldn't reach it. "I need attention."

"Give me back my book!"

"Admit I'm better than Mike Schwartz."

She chuckled, "Yeah, no."

"Then no."

"Aaron!" she whined.

"Just admit it."

"No"

It was ridiculous that Taylor was willing to have a fight over a fictional character. They were teasing of course, but still. Taylor watched his lips turned into an evil smile before he tackled her to the ground and began tickling her sides.

"Stop it!" she shouted while laughing uncontrollably. Her arms were weaker than his therefore couldn't push him off.

"Say it!"

"NO"

He kept tickling her until she finally gave in.

"Okay, okay. Stop"

He finally did and their face were inches apart by then.

"Say it"

"You're better than Mike Schwartz." Aaron smiled in victory. "Now can I have my book back, please."

"Kiss me."

Taylor didn't hesitate and pressed their lips together. Her hand on the back of his neck, his on her cheek the other on the small of her waist. She smiled as their lips collided and the world disappear. It was the perfect day.

\------

The beginning of the night was fun.

Trying on outfits with her friends, doing each other's hair, doing their make up. They were laughing, gossiping, the routine.

The came the actual party.

Taylor didn't hate parties, in fact she enjoyed it. She gets to see her friends, put on tiny dresses, drink, get her mind off things. But sometimes it's too much. This was too much.

It was fun when it was just her friends or at least people that she knows and talks to. When they'd play games that doesn't include getting full on drunk. But then strangers started showing up and the music got louder and louder that she couldn't have a proper conversation. And she tried, God knows she tried so hard to be social for everyone. Plastering a smile, greeting everyone, making small conversations. But it felt too much and she was tired.

Taylor excused herself to get a fresh air. She sat on the grass in the back yard where there's less people. Sitting cross legged with her back hunched. She stared at nothing in the distance, zoning out from the world, like she had been doing a lot of lately. The music wasn't heard anymore, not clearly anyway and it wasn't loud that made her ears bleed.

"Sophia's looking for you"

A cold sensation touching her skin snapped her back into reality. It took her some moments to replay and process what he said. Took another second for her to think of a reply. "She'll be fine."

She studied him, occupying the space beside her. Lending her his jacket to cover her bare shoulders. Smiling, muttering her gratitude. Him in a pair of skinny jeans and a simple shirt, he looked casual. His lips glossy from the drink he had, the alcohol scent mixed with his perfume. He didn't look at her, rather into the distance like she did before. He was out of his elements as well.

"I'm sorry I forced you to come," Taylor apologized, because it was the truth. The other night, she plead him to go with her because she didn't want to be alone, and also because she was tired of being asked where her boyfriend was, but she didn't say.

He chuckled, still staring at nothing, "it's fine. They're my friends too, you know?" Aaron didn't see her nod. "If it wasn't you then Nathan would've asked me, or Dani or Zara or Grace and if that didn't work Grace would ask my mom." It was Taylor's turn to chuckle. "I'm glad it was you."

He turned his head and touched his lips to hers only for a moment before he pulled away.

"It was more fun when you ask, anyway," he joked and Taylor smacked his side remembering the event.

"Let's get out of here."

Not even caring to say goodbye to their friends, who were probably too drunk or too occupied to notice anyway. They sneaked through the house easily without getting stopped.

They end up making out in the back of Aaron's car in a McDonald's parking lot. Their food and a bottle of whiskey - that they may or may not steal from Sophia's - left in the front seat, half eaten. Both of them a little intoxicated and couldn't get enough of each other. With Taylor on his lap, he grazed his palm on her exposed skin the other in her hair. Silence... only the sound of their mouths touching and their moans filled the small space. His jacket she had on discarded along with his shirt. They lost themselves in each other while keeping each other warm.

In that moment, Taylor felt whole again. It felt terrifying more than anything else. It baffled her that she needed someone, depended on someone to feel something. To feel okay. She didn't want that and at the same time, she couldn't find herself wanting to let go of it. So instead, she let herself go.

\----

Columbia has been on Taylor's mind since the end of sophomore year. She's been determined ever since. Had all her requirements ready. What's left to do was to submit her application and hope for the best.

"I'm gonna get listed," Aaron informed. His body stiffened. It was always an unsettling topic for him. His parents put a huge pressure on him, being an only child and all. Not to mention, his dad being a veteran himself. Taylor was empathetic for him. She couldn't quite relate, being a child of three, but she tried to understand. The pressure part, that is, the joining the army part, she's still trying to wrap her head around it. Sure, it was an honor to serve the country and she understood that, what she couldn't was what came with it.

She should though, her grandad - from her dad's side of the family - was also a war veteran, served in Vietnam and was respected by many. Taylor still remembered people coming to her grandparents house just to show respect whenever she came to visit as a small child. Back then, she was astonished. Even so, he was different from her other grandpa. He wouldn't play with her like grandpa Jon would, wouldn't throw her in the air or take her out for ice cream or clean up her wounds when she fell, instead he would tell her to stop eating so much ice cream and to walk it off when she fell and leave her to cry. Now, she gets why he was how he was, it made her stronger she supposed, but she also understands that was not the role he should've been. A lieutenant to his own grand children. If people say grand parents treat their grand children better than their own, she couldn't imagine how it was like for her dad and his siblings. Aaron was a good person, kind, generous, genuine, she didn't want to see that taken away. But it's not her decision to make.

"Okay," she responded simply, to let him know she's listening. Keeping in mind she didn't have a say in this.

"it's what my parents want," he admitted. She knew even before he said it.

"And... what do you want?" She asked carefully after awhile, keeping herself close to him. Her palms gently rubbed his back, hoping to give some kind of comfort.

"I don't know," he looked away.

It's late. He had called earlier, saying he needed her. Not someone, her. He took her to the cliff he liked. Overseeing the busy city. Only the lights were visible, almost like stars, he said it keeps him grounded while for her, it reminded her of the building she and Harry liked to go to on their midnight rendezvous.

"It's just- I don't wanna disappoint my mom, you know?" He looked into her eyes again, searching for answers she couldn't give. She could see the hint of sorrow in it. She hoped she could make it disappear.

"What do you think?"

Taylor wasn't sure herself. If she were in his position she would most definitely say no but that was her being her, not everyone has the same view and she wasn't going to dictate what he was going to do.

"I think," she paused for a second, going over her words, "i think that you should decide for yourself. This isn't my decision or your mom's or anyone else's. It's yours. And if that means complying to what your mom wants, then that's okay. But, if your heart's not fully in it, I don't think you should."

It was the best response she could come up with, though she wasn't sure it helped at all. It might even make him more confused, but she really didn't know what to say.

The one thing she could offer him was support. So she tried to do that the best she could despite her own feelings about it.

She turned his head to face her with her hand then gently caressing the side of his face.

"You're gonna be okay," she assured before leaning in and closing the gap between them. His lips feel warm and soft, contrasting the chilly night air. Her hand moved to back of his neck to deepen the kiss.

She feels his arm sneaked onto her waist, pulling her even closer. It sent shivers down her spine. She could feel his heart beating loud against her own. There was no doubt in her mind that he loved her as much as she loved him. Maybe even more than that, which terrified her.

It felt like hours before they pull away, but it's most likely only minutes. They're both panting quietly, with their foreheads still touching and they smiled, just glad they have each other. It's the kind of love she dreamed of. The kind she never thought she'd find.

"She'll understand, right?" He spoke suddenly.

Taylor observed his expression, desperate. Taylor has met his mom before but sometimes people lie for a good reason. "Aaron, she's your mom."

"It's just-"

"It's okay," she reassured him, again.

"Okay."

\-------

"It's paid by the school," Aaron had told her. "It's only a week and Zara's coming too."

A week

A few days, Taylor could understand, but a whole week? What were they even going to do in a mountain for seven days?

As much as she loved camping and hiking and nature, she finds it bizarre how someone could love camping that much. But she didn't judge and let him do what he wants. She didn't want to be those controlling girlfriends.

But it feels weird now, being on her own. Not physically, because she spends time mostly with her friends at school, but just talking to him. They've been together for more than a year now and he's just always there to talk to at least when they're not physically together. Now they're going to spend a whole week apart, without a communication device because the regulations for the camping trip is that you can't use electronics during it.

Aaron had explained to her that it's some kind of gathering from various schools. Something about making alliance and peace with other schools. Taylor still didn't get it but she nodded anyway.

"A camping trip?" Dani asked dumbfounded.

"I didn't even know the school had that," Jess adds.

"What are they even gonna do? Eat crickets or something?" Sophia sneered.

"Beats me," Taylor said, shrugging her shoulders. "On the bright side I have more time to spend with you guys."

"Lovely, I've always dreamed of being a second choice," Jess taunted. She was joking, obviously but Taylor's smile turns to a frown anyways.

"Second? Are you forgetting Harry?" Grace added which made everyone laugh harder.

"Right. Third then."

Taylor rolled her eyes at them even though a small part of her wonders if it has some truth to it, even if she doesn't want to believe it. She never puts anyone above each other but perhaps she had done it subconsciously.

Ironically, Taylor opted to go home with Harry that day. He offered to drive her home after he saw her taking the bus this morning. Taylor supposed she could've asked him, but it never came to mind.

As Taylor walked towards to where Harry's car was parked, she noticed that he's not alone. Her mood goes down just a tad. He assured her this morning that Hilary had somewhere else to be, seeing as she's here now, something changed.

"Kate, hi," Taylor greeted politely when she's close enough for them to see.

"Hey," Kate smiled back. Awkward. She turned her body to Harry, "shall we go?"

When Harry just stood there unmoving, she added, "rehearsals starts at 4.30. I don't wanna be late." Her glare was frightening, it would probably scare a child.

She made it clear that Taylor's presence was unwanted, so Taylor yields.

"Actually, I could find another ride... You guys seem like you're in a bit of a hurry," Taylor reasoned.

"O-"

"No, it's fine. It's only 3, we have plenty of time," Harry spoke out before Taylor could walk away. Kate was shooting daggers at him, but he didn't seem to care.

They all got inside his car. Taylor almost opened the passenger seat out of habit. It's strange to sit in the back seat of his car, unfamiliar.

Taylor tried to make small conversation in the bumbling air. Trying to lighten the mood.

"What are you rehearsing for?"

"Oh, it's for the winter recital," she answered plainly.

"Exciting."

Harry was quiet, too quiet. His eyes were so focused - or unfocused she guessed - on the road. Taylor's never seen him drive this quiet, except when he's pissed. Taylor continued the conversation anyway.

"What play are you guys doing?"

"A Little Mermaid, I'm playing Ariel's sister, Adella."

"That's awesome. I love that movie," Taylor said truthfully.

"Yeah, remember when we went swimming and you pretended to be a mermaid," Kate joked.

"I know. I for real thought I could control water."

They both laugh. It seemed so long ago that they were in sixth grade together. Taylor could vaguely remember. It was nice to reminisce. The times when they were friends, they weren't close but they were friends. Now they're just acquaintances.

Harry stayed quiet all through out the drive to her house. His eyes keeps going back and forth between her, his girlfriend, and the road. Never saying a thing.

"Thanks again for the ride," she bids when they pulled up at her house. "Good luck on your show!" With the most cheerful tone she could use.

As soon as his car is out of sight, she dropped her fake smile. Her jaw slightly hurt. She sighed loudly, just glad she's out of that car.

Quickly, she skipped to her door. Her mom was home so she didn't have to take out her keys and knocked instead. It's a while before the door opened, Taylor contemplated searching for her keys.

As soon as the door opens, she could smell the fresh baked cookies in in the kitchen. Taylor sneakily took some cookie dough in bowl and brought it to her room along with a single spoon.

She ended up spooning the dough while watching Netflix on her laptop. She didn't have much else to do. Her social life was limited and she didn't feel like seeing everyone else's awesome life. She was still wearing the clothes she wore to school, not one bit did she feel embarrassed about it.

Skipping dinner was not out of the ordinary. Sometimes she's just too lazy to get out of bed, or she simply forgot. Her parents scold her for it, at times. Taylor fell asleep like that, in jeans and a T-shirt, with her laptop - which was left on - on the empty spot next to her. Again, it wasn't an unusual thing.

Taylor had almost no time to get ready the next morning. She forgot that it was Harry who was picking her up this morning and not her boyfriend. Rushing down the stairs once she had clothes on. She didn't have a chance to pick it out and just wear anything she had her hands on.

She said goodbye to her parents and left the house with her converse in hands. Thankfully, the steps were dry and clean enough to make her not regret getting out of the house with only socks protecting her feet.

Harry's smirking, eyeing the pair of army green converse in her hands when she entered the car.

"What?"

He didn't say a word instead shaking his head and drive off. Taylor struggled to put on her shoes in the small space. Cursing under her breath while lacing the laces through the holes.

Despite her tardiness, they arrived at school still early. The cold autumn breeze brushing through her hair. The fresh air she had forgotten, she liked the familiarity of it.

Barely anyone in sight. The janitor and only a couple of students in the hallway. Even the teachers have not yet arrive.

They walked through the garden, like nothing had changed. For Taylor, it's like reliving a memory. The flowers are faded, similar to the last time she saw them, although she's sure that they're not. It's a shame she didn't get to see them bloom.

Once again the wind blew her way, and as much as she loved the cold, she was no longer accustomed to it and her body shivered. Her fingers pulled on her sleeves covering her hands.

For a quite a while they just sat there in silence, neither of them saying a word. Mostly of lack of topic. Taylor stole glances at him, every now and then. He seemed to be in deep thought, or perhaps in a daydream. One time she stared for quite some time, seeing if he would look back. Surely he must feel it. But he didn't look back. So she turned away.

In those few seconds, his features somehow predominant to her. He really was a beautiful creature, she thinks. For a split second, just a second, maybe less, she forgets. She forgets that he's her friend and nothing more. Worse, she forgets about Aaron. In her mind, she beats herself up for the next fifteen minutes.

How can she do that to someone she loves. Even if that person is a hundred miles away. How can she just... forget. She was disgusted with herself. Feels like she's guilty of something so wrong. Looking down at her fingers in her lap, she whispered his name as if that would make her remember, or more specifically, not forget.

"Aaron." Almost inaudible, but apparently Harry noticed.

"What?"

"Nothing."

The students began to pile up, crowding the previously empty hallway. Chatters begin, locker doors slammed, clinks of heels. A freshman from the garden club came to water the plants, not minding their presence.

"Harry!" a high pitched voice called. Instantly Taylor recognized it and of course Harry knows as well as he physically sighed before turning around and putting on a smile. Taylor could only roll her eyes.

"Hey-" he was cut off buy Kate attaching her lips to his. His eyes were open, stunned by the sudden action. Quickly he recovered, returning the kiss.

Taylor was uncomfortable by the very public display of affection happening right next to her. She forgot about her hunger she felt so sick. As she was about to leave, they stopped eating each other's faces. Harry's hand quickly grasped her wrist to stop her from leaving.

"Oh hey, Taylor," Kate acknowledged her as if she hadn't seen her when she approached them or him. Taylor smiled politely before Kate turned her attention back to the person whose lap she's sitting on. She whispered something to his ear all while Taylor was trying to break free from his grip.

"Actually, we have to get to class," Harry said looking at Taylor with a look that said 'help'. Anyone else and she would've walked away. Kate was already standing on her own by then.

Taylor thought of a reasonable excuse, "Yeah, Mrs.Gina asked us to help grade some papers." When Hilary didn't look convinced, she continued, "for extra credits."

Harry pulled the most fake disappointed face as he looked at his girlfriend. "I'll see you at lunch?"

She nodded and peck him on the lips one last time. Taylor stood there and waited awkwardly. Looking side to side at her surroundings. If it wasn't for his grip, she would be sitting in class.

"Just break up with her," Taylor told him as they were walking to class and Kate was nowhere in sight. It was not a topic they talk about, but Taylor was sick of it.

"It's not that simple," he sighed. Taylor scoffed. He was being ridiculous, she thought. "She just drives me bloody crazy sometimes."

"Then break up with her... or talk to her or something. It's not healthy.." turning to look at him. "..for either of you."

Taylor was genuine when she said that. Even if they didn't talk about it, she could still see it. When they fight in the hallways, or at the parking lot, at the cafeteria, at the shack. Couples fight, she understands that, as she has problems of her own. But to have it constantly and sex being the only thing to resolve it, that's not healthy. Much as she was looking out for her friend, she was looking out for Hilary as well, regardless of her feelings.

"Well do you love her?"

There was a pause, "I do."

That sunk in. Taylor knew, why would they be together for this long if he didn't, she knew he wasn't that type of person. He was good. It's just she's never heard it came out of his mouth before. It took her a moment to compose herself, still trying to wrap it around her head despite how much time has passed.

"It's not that easy to just throw away."

"Then, talk to her. Work something out. But just don't stay like this, it's not good for you."

Taylor offered him a smile, fake as it was, it was what he needed. She wanted to say something else but didn't quite know what.

They didn't speak a word to each other during class, which Taylor was okay with. The class seemed dull, more dull than usual. They were assigned to write a literacy piece whether it be poems, paragraph, whatever and Taylor went blank. She was usually excited about those, but this time she had nothing to offer. It was almost like her creativity went out. Taking out her notes app on her phone, she copied a piece she had made before, one she's sure she hadn't turned in previously, and call it a day.

Lunch wasn't as cheery. Taylor felt weird. Like the whole day was weird. It wasn't because of Aaron's absence. Something was just different. She was quiet during lunch, which she guessed wasn't too out of pocket. She tried listening in her friends conversations but nothing stuck her mind. Taylor felt like she was watching them muttering words she couldn't understand. Maybe she was just tired.

At one point of the conversation it went to them asking her to go out. She knew what they were saying then when they had to ask her twice. Lizzy and Bea opted not to go for reasons Taylor didn't catch. Taylor's insides was begging for her to say no, the other anxious part was afraid of missing out. The latter won.

As she was getting ready, doing her hair and make up, because she at least wanted to look decent, she constantly checks her phone. Waiting for a notification or a call saying they cancelled. Maybe she could tell them she wasn't feeling well or there was a sudden family occasion, they would most likely to believe her. But she didn't do that. Instead she got dressed in a black skinny jeans that hugged her figure nicely and a sparkly spaghetti strapped top. She also brought a black leather jacket because she'd get cold sometimes.

Amid waiting for Sophia to pick her up, Taylor felt instant regret. She really didn't want to go. But it was too late and she'd feel guilty for cancelling so suddenly, when her friend was already on her way and the others already waiting.

Three sounds of honks made her ran outside. She could see Sophia jumping to the passenger side, struggling with her tight dress. Taylor knew what it meant and skipped onto the driver's seat. The car smelled of strong Vanilla. The scent filled her nose even as she merely opened the car door. Taylor had to take a huge breath before entering it.

Sophia gave her a hug and giggled silly as if they didn't see each other at school earlier that day. Taylor wasn't complaining though, she thought it was sweet, she felt loved even. During the hug, she confirmed that the strong scent came from her friend's perfume. It was almost too much.

The drive was enjoyable. Sophia had taken over the aux and they sang along to whatever song she played. They respectively have very different taste in music. Some of the songs that were chosen, Taylor only knew because she hated them, though she wouldn't say that. It made her friend happy, so she sang along anyway.

Finding a parking space was a headache, even if it was a school night. Some jerk in a grey BMW stole their spot which made Sophia reached to her side and honked the horn so loud Taylor was scared they may start a fight. Profanities were said but of course was no use as they probably couldn't hear them with their windows shut. Taylor pushed her painted to perfection hand away from the wheel and calm her down.

A few cars away, they finally found an empty spot. Taylor mindlessly go through her phone while Sophia retouched her make up even though they've only been in the car and it was still the exact same as when she came to pick her up, but Taylor wasn't one to judge. One last touch of crimson lipstick and they were on their way.

It was a school day so the line wasn't as long. When they got to the entrance they took out their - fake - id. They had it made in sophomore year through Grace's brother. They went in no problem, no questions ask. Taylor spotted the rest of the group at a booth and guided both of them through. They already started drinking telling from the opened bottle and a few empty glasses.

Jess scooted so they could all fit in the space. Straight away Sophia downed a shot of whatever liquid that was consisted in that bottle.

"Woo!" she shouted, banging the empty glass on the table capturing the attention of everyone at the table. Taylor wasn't as excited. She stayed quiet in her seat watching the others. She wished she had the guts to say no in the first place.

Other friends of Grace and Dani arrived and it made Taylor even more uncomfortable than she already was. She hardly knew them, have only seen them with other people, so she didn't speak to them. She looked to the side only to find Sarah already on her phone.

Taylor decides to get up and moved to the dance floor. She caught up with Sophia and her friends, talking to them like knew each other well. She could be social when she wants to, it's just harder. Occasionally she felt left out, not knowing what the group was talking about as she was not part of it. She jumped in when she could and when she couldn't she listened. Though it's a quite a challenge through the loud music.

She separated herself from the crowd, opting for the bar instead. Ordering a drink for herself, she studied the scene before her. Strangers dancing against each other, her friends getting lost in the crowd, others at the bar mirroring her.

Taylor didn't notice Sophia approaching her at the bar, too lost in her thought. Sophia was alone, leaving her friends at the dance floor. Her hair still as straight as it was when the night started, her make up slightly smudged but still beautiful, Taylor could see the little sweat on her neck like she'd just had gone running.

"Come on, let's dance," Sophia pulled at her arms, dragging her to the rest of the group on the dance floor.

Taylor decided to let loose and sway her body to the beat. She could feel herself sweat and her mind went anxious. She was afraid she smelled. An insecurity she always had ever since she had her puberty. She moved her shoulders up and tilt her head down so she was closer to her armpit. She hoped everyone would let it pass as a dance move. When she didn't smell anything, she breathed but still anxious.

The perfume in her purse did the trick and got her mind off of it a little. When she put her purse back on the booth they came from though, she noticed Sarah was absent. Her belongings gone. She went home. Taylor felt slightly annoyed at her friend that she just left her here and didn't even tell her, but mostly she envied her because Taylor herself wanted to leave, she just didn't feel like she could. Or at the least she'd feel bad about leaving.

Even as she tried, Taylor faded out of the conversations until she was no longer part of it. She wasn't part of them. At that moment she felt exhausted, like her social butterfly ran out. The room felt small and the air was suffocating. She needed to get out.

Grabbing her purse she ran out the door, fast, like she was chased by a dog. The air outside was much cooler and she could finally breathe.

As she walked further away from the club, a guy looked at her up and down, undressing her in his mind. Taylor cringed at the guy and walked faster, her steps quicker and longer. Her head was down all the way through.

No direction, no destination, no nothing. She just walked.

At one point she plugged in her earphones and played some music to distract her. And also so she could walk dramatically through the streets and pretended to be in a music video. But mostly the former.

She stops when her legs started to get tired, takes a moment then walked again because there was nowhere to sit. Taylor knew the streets well so finally she decides on a destination, a park.

They had many different parks in their town, this one had a fountain at the centre of it. Though it was a bit dim and a little creepy. The sound of the water got clearer as she got closer. Leaves covered the edge of the fountain and some on the water, she was sure to get some dirt at the back of her jeans when she sat down. Her legs felt even more tired when she realised how far she walked so she stretched them out.

Her breathing and the water were the only sound heard, apart from the occasional car engines passing by. Her head rest on her hands resting on her knees. Her palms covering her face. She didn't know when or why exactly but she starts to cry, exhaustion, stress, frustration, everything else she didn't quite know, she let them all out. The cries were loud and only getting louder. Normally she would tell herself to stop being dramatic and keep it to herself, but she was tired. And the alcohol in her system may have also played a part in it.

The cries turned into sobs and she let herself do that. She hadn't had a good cry in a long time thinking it made her strong or feeling too guilty about it because other people might have it worse.

She hadn't been feeling like herself lately, as she figured out. There wasn't a point of when it happened, but she felt it. She came to a realization that she was trying to be someone she wanted to be but never was, an extrovert, if you will. Telling herself she liked the crowd, when she didn't, she liked her friends. Calling people she hardly knew by their made up nick names when every part of her being just wanted to call them by their real name. Having someone with her 24/7 when she really wanted to be alone because she was afraid it made her look like a loner. All of that was taking up her energy.

Being someone you're not was hard, but it felt right because it was easier to make friends and people seem to like them better. It wasn't her, though. It wasn't Taylor. She knew that now. More importantly, she knew that was okay.

Taylor took her time, ridding herself of the feeling. Clearing her mind. She doesn't got a lot of time being alone. She picked up the leaves in the water, still sniffling. The water freezing as it made contact with her skin sending shivers through her whole body. It felt nice. She contemplated putting her feet in but her jeans tight enough that it couldn't roll up. Instead she continued picking up the leaves, clearing out the water so she could see the bottom. It was oddly satisfying and it calmed her down. It felt like it was clearing her of her sins, almost.

She wasn't thinking anymore, in a good way. It felt refreshing. She must've been gone for a pretty long time, she thought. Searching for her phone in her purse which she placed on the ground, getting it dirty, not wanting to risk it falling into the water if she sat it beside her, it confirmed her suspicion. Even longer than she thought.

Immediately she got on her feet and made her way back. Quick in her steps almost running, passing by the streets she went through earlier. Her legs still tired but she didn't think of that, all she could think about was that she left her friends, one of them was the one she came with.

When she got there, there were less people than when she left. She caught sight of Sophia leaning on a guy Taylor couldn't remember the name of. He's Sophia's friend from out of town, she thinks. Dani was sitting on the other side of the booth with her head in her hands like how Taylor was at the fountain.

"Where have you been?" The guy asked as she got to the booth. Sophia rested her head on his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his body, she was passed out.

"Just needed some air," she told him. "Where's Grace?"

"She's with Zac," Dani mumbled from her seat.

Taylor nodded at her drunk friend then turned to the guy she still couldn't remember the name of. "I should probably take them home," she smiled. "Dani let's go. Um do you mind carrying her to car." She gestured at Sophia who was sleeping comfortably in his arms. Taylor didn't want to bother him even more but Dani was also wasted and she couldn't carry her by herself, even with Sophia's small figure.

The guy was nice enough and agreed. They made it to Sophia's car, with Taylor holding Dani's arm as they go so she doesn't fall. He laid Sophia down in the back seat and shut the door once he made sure she was comfortable.

Dani struggled to get her safety belt in place. When Taylor wanted to help but Dani swatted her hands away. Finally she got it.

"Thank you," Taylor said, genuinely appreciating the guy's help, even if she didn't know his name.

"Yeah, no problem. Do you guys want me to drive?" He offered with a smile. It was a nice gesture but Taylor could manage.

"I think we're good. But thanks again." She got in the driver's seat but before she could close the door, he spoke, "it's Taylor, right?"

Taylor didn't think much of it until she turned to really look at him, his eyes. He had that look. He was pretty handsome and seems nice, but she wasn't interested. Taylor didn't want to be rude though, so she smiled and nod while she turned the engine on.

"I'll see you around," he smiled before she drove off.

The car was silent except from the small snore coming from the back seat, so she turned the music on with low volume as to not disturb her friends. Taylor dropped Dani first and then Sophia. She made sure both of them were tucked in bed before going. After making sure Sophia was sleeping alright, she escorts herself out and made her way home. It was too late for a walk and she had to get home so she took the car. Sophia wouldn't mind anyway.

She would love to just go straight to bed, but that's not what happened. The thing at the fountain took some of the pressure away, but it was still there. So she sat beside her bed on the carpet and cried some more. She didn't care that it was late and she was being loud. She just needed to get it all out. Sobs coming out of her mouth until there was silence and her eyes were so puffy she could barely see.

She was okay. She felt relieved. She felt like a huge weight was lifted off her back. She was fine.

Sophia doesn't go to school the next day. Expected seeing her state last night. Taylor was going to return the car but maybe she'll do it after school.

As she walked with Grace who was surprisingly cheery after last night, she saw Harry, having a seemingly civil conversation with his girlfriend, which was a rare sight to see. Taylor wondered what they were talking about but didn't look at it any further when he caught her staring and she looked away on reflex.

He was slightly mad at her because he came by this morning and she was already gone. Taylor cursed herself for being so stupid and forgot to tell him he didn't need to pick her up that morning. When she apologized he only waved it off.

"Harry, I'm sorry I forgot to call you," she apologized again once they were in class.

"It's fine," he mumbled as if he didn't mean it. He didn't even look in her direction which annoyed her.

"I have to get the car to Sophia's, can you maybe pick me up there?" She asked as politely as she could as to not make him mad even more. It didn't seem to work though, he seemed furious. "I can't."

His tone changed and he looked pissed. When Taylor was annoyed before, she was angry now. She apologised multiple times and admitted she was in the wrong, why was he making this a big deal. He was acting like a fucking child.

"Okay. I said I was sorry. Why do you have to be so fucking rude?"

His body stiffens and he turned to her. Looked her dead in the eyes. Taylor was terrified. His demeanor was tough and Taylor couldn't break through. She gulped down her own saliva as he took his time before opening his mouth to speak.

"Not everything's about you."

They didn't speak for the rest of the day. Taylor went off with her friends and Harry was nowhere to be found. Honestly she couldn't care less. He was being a dick for no reason.

The lunch was awfully quiet, not something she's used to. She guessed no one wanted to talk. Taylor didn't mind the silence, it was calming. Only small talks were shared before they went to their separate classes.

As planned, Taylor went to Sophia's after school. Sophia still had on her dress from last night when Taylor arrived. Taylor had to drag her to the shower so she finally cleans herself up. All the way through Sophia was moaning and complaining.

Walking home wasn't that bad. It was awfully calming really. She had her earphones on as she looked at the sceneries around her. She was alone. She wasn't lonely. It was like that even as she was home. She sat on her study and reopened the sketched book that she left to pick up dust. Scrapping her hand on the cover to get rid of them before opening them.

For the first time in a long time, she didn't have to force herself to make art again. She just did it. Her mind was clear and she felt inspired. It took a few moments before she realised how much she missed this. How much she used to enjoy this. Time was forgotten and before she knew it the sun had set and it was already dark.

She stared at her finished work. Admiring it, something that rarely ever happens.

The next day was a change of pace. Harry was of course still mad at her, so he was nowhere to be seen. To be honest she didn't want to see him either.

Then she thinks, are we really fucking doing this again?

She didn't want to go through that again. Definitely not. But she was too angry at him to do anything about it at the moment. Who cares about him?

Taylor didn't mean that, it just felt good then.

Taylor skipped lunch with her friends, instead finding a quiet space where she could be alone with her sketch book. She had the urge to bring it with her this morning. Adding an extra weight on her bag but she didn't mind.

Being alone felt like recharging to Taylor. Like she had run out before and now she's turning it on. She spent the whole day alone. Apart from classes that is. She even took a bus home because she felt like it.

Just like yesterday, the day ended quickly. It was pass midnight when she heard sounds coming from outside. Not just sounds, it was him, calling her name. She was awake, her insomnia was one thing she still couldn't shake off. Taylor was still irritated at him. He kept calling but she stayed still, hoping he would think she had gone to sleep. He knew better.

"Taylor! I know you can hear me!" He shouted loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Then, she finally gave up.

She went to her balcony and looked down at his figure. "Shhh... What do you want?"

"Let me in!"

"What?"

"Just let me in!"

Taylor groaned but she went downstairs and opened the door for him anyway. She heard steps coming from the other side before it stopped. Slowly she unlocked the door, it was rusty and it tends to make sounds. She found him standing before her with a grin, the alcohol scent coming from him was strong.

Taylor looked at him with concern and peep her head outside to make sure he wasn't driving. His car was nowhere to be seen which brought a tiny bit of relief to her. "Are you okay?"

Her brows stitched together with worry, but he looked unfazed. His smile got wider all of a sudden. "You're so beautiful," completely ignoring her question yet it gave her a clue into his state at the moment. Taylor chuckled at how ridiculous he can be.

They were still standing in the doorway, the idea of coming inside didn't came to her mind, apparently.

One second he was grinning at her like a child and the next he collapsed onto her. Holding her for dear life. Slouching his body a little because of the slight height difference. Taylor was taken by surprise when he wrapped his arm around her and buried his face into her neck. It took her a second to take in what's going on. Then there were little sobs coming from him, muffled by her hair.

Taylor didn't know what else to do than just comfort him. She rubbed her hands on his back and whispered words of comfort and assurance. She didn't know what's going on, she didn't have to.

The wind blew at her face made her realize where they were. It was cold and he must be freezing. She didn't want to let go so she pulled him into the house with her and kick the door shut gently.

It must have been minutes before she pulled away. She took a step back to take a better look at him. His hair tussled, his mouth frowned keeping his vision on the floor. Taylor took his hand and pulled him upstairs to her room.

She laid him down on her bed and went back downstairs to get him a glass of water. He was already out by the time she reached the door. Seeming too comfortable sleeping in her bed.

She sighed and pulled the covers to cover his body. She turned away quickly, feeling like she'd just been caught doing something she shouldn't when she's merely taking care of her friend. Taylor peaked behind her one last time before going to sleep herself.

Taylor woke up in a much smaller bed than the one she's used to, with only one pillow instead of four. The walls around her rid of any posters or pictures, just a plain simple blue wall. She's in her brother's room, remembering that her own was occupied by the boy with the green eyes.

Ignoring that fact, Taylor went on and continued her morning routine as usual with the exception of changing her clothes in the bathroom because there's a boy in her room that could wake up any time. She dreaded changing in the damp space. It's really hard for her to put on her leggings, she thinks. Nevertheless she did it anyway, not risking him waking up with her half naked from the shower.

Even so, he was still fast asleep when she went back to her room. Slightly regretting the struggle she went through before. She heard her mom calling her for breakfast, and she remembers not having tell her Harry was here.

She walked towards the side where he's facing her. The alcohol in his clothes still strong in her senses and she wants to walk away. She puts her hand on his forearm and shook it gently. "Harry, wake up. Harry.."

He only responded in mumbling which only tells her that he's awake. She shook him again, a little stronger this time. "Harry, come on."

"Just a minute," he mumbled. Taylor rolled her eyes and grabbed one of her many pillows to smack him with it.

"Hey!" His eyes were opened now but his body still not moving.

"Come on," she tried to pull his arms but it backfired and she was the one pulled in instead. He grinned, knowing he got exactly what he wanted when she fell down. He pulled her in close and wrapped his arms around her so she couldn't escape. "Five more minutes," she heard him plead from her back. She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see it.

"Fine," she said defeated, and partly because she didn't want to break off from this position, but she won't admit that. "But could you at least tell me what happened?"

She felt his arms loosened a little and she already missed them. "It's nothing."

"You were drunk Harry, proper drunk, it's not nothing," she stated as a matter of factly. He kept quiet, something he does often when things get uncomfortable, something she knew all too well and something she does often as well. But if he came to her house in the middle of the night, pissed drunk and not expect her to know why, he's kidding himself. "Okay, that's fine," she starts getting up but his hands were fast to stop her.

Harry moved a little bit so she could fit better and turned her body to face him. They were facing each other and Taylor couldn't think of anything else. Just that moment.

"We broke up," he finally admitted. Taylor could see the sadness in his eyes as he said them. He looked away and Taylor knew it's serious. They've broken up before, Taylor knew that, but this time it seemed to be really over. "She broke up with me, actually. But it's kind of the same thing, right?"

Taylor didn't know how to feel about it. Her mind still processing it. How should she feel about it? sad that her best friend was heartbroken? relieved that he was out of that toxic relationship? Both, she guessed. But there was something else.

"I'm sorry," grabbing one of his hand and holding it in hers. She didn't know what else to say. All of her thoughts about the relationship was not something she should say to someone who was just been broken up with the night before. It was for another time. Right now all she could say was that she's sorry.

He looked at her again, this time his eyes glossed with tears. "I'm sorry, Harry," she repeated.

"Thank you," he smiled genuinely and rubbed his thumb on her hand. Taylor didn't know why he felt the need to do that when she's the one who should be comforting him, but she welcomed it anyway.

"Do you want to tell me why?" it was a shot in the dark in hopes he might tell her at least something about it. He was never open to her when they were together, but maybe he would now that they weren't.

He stared deeply into her eyes. Something in them changed, maybe it was the light reflecting on them, but Taylor swore she saw a glint of something. Maybe he was considering it. But her hopes were gone when he shook his head no. And it was final.

He pulled his hand away from hers and for a second she thought she had angered him. Though it all came to a relief when it was only to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. His eyes followed where his fingers were, and hers followed his as it returned to hers again.

"Okay," she got up abruptly, breaking the moment. She's afraid something might slip if she let it go on any longer. She knew it, when the time stopped as he looked at her, she wouldn't be able to hold herself.

"Where are you going?" he groaned from where he laid, now by himself.

"I'm gonna tell my mom to make breakfast for one more," she tilted her head to the side, "take a shower, please, you fucking reek." He looked offended by her comment, his frown evident on his face as he sits up. "I'll get you some clothes."

She went downstairs to tell her mother about the company but stopped at the middle of the stairs to compose herself. Steadying her breath just for a second. After, she grabbed one of Harry's hoodies she never intended on giving back but she'll make an exception this time and one of her older brother's shorts, setting them on her bed neatly while he was in the shower before returning down stairs.

Harry emerged from the hallway into the kitchen with his hair damp and wearing the clothes she had set up. He greeted her mother with a warm smile and she greeted him back with a bright one.

He sat down at the chair next to Taylor who was already eating her pancakes, not bothering to wait for him.

"I heard someone needs a break up breakfast," her mom sang as she put down the stack of pancakes with whipped cream smiley face in front of Harry. Taylor had to hold back a laugh when she felt Harry glared at her.

"Thank you, Andrea," he smiled, cheeks pink in embarrassment which only made Taylor covered her smile. Harry saw and kicked her foot under the table.

"Now, eat dear. I called your mom to let her know you're here and that you're safe."

Harry nodded with a mouthful.

They continued eating in silence until Harry decided to break it.

"You know, I was wondering where this hoodie went," he smirked in her direction.

She shrugged acting all innocent and took a sip of her water. She knew he knew.

Later on in the day they walked to the bar he was in the night before to pick up his car. Taylor was thankful he was at least smart enough to know not to drive. The walk was filled with meaningless conversations. Usually, Taylor wouldn't like that, but then it just felt right. It was light and she didn't have to overthink her words or be afraid that she might've said something wrong.

"You didn't have to come with me."

"You're telling me this now?" she gestured to the fact that they were already in the parking lot where his car was. He chuckled and pressed the button to unlock his car. Opened the door for her then waited for her to settle in before closing them and hopping to the driver's side. Taylor was flattered by the small gesture and felt her stomach flutter.

They stopped for ice cream on the way home. It was to thank her, which Taylor thought was unnecessary but she accepted.

"Thank you, again for.. you know," he told her when they reached her house. "No problem," she said as she unbuckled her seat belt. There it was again. A moment, at least for her.

She wasn't even thinking, "Harry, I-" she shut her eyes for a second when she realized what was about to come out, "I'm glad you're okay." She regained herself. "You can always come to me, you know that, right?"

"Yeah," he said with a sorry look. "Thank your mom again for me, okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded before opening the car door.

Taylor waited until his car was out of sight before entering the house. Didn't know why she felt the need to do that. Out of habit maybe.


	3. Chapter Three

Monday. Aaron was back and Taylor was so excited to see him again even though it was only a week and she enjoyed the time with herself. She couldn't hide the fact that she missed him. A part of her thinks seeing him again would erase a part of her mind.

She was giddy all the way to school. Smiley, grinning like a child. They held hands in the hallway, something they don't do a lot of. It was more affection than what Taylor was used to but she was the one who initiated it.

"I was thinking maybe we could have lunch together?" she offered giddily only to be disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm. She brushed it off thinking he must be tired.

"Okay."

Taylor tried to stay positive. Ignoring what her mind was telling her. For once she wanted to be optimistic. "I'll see you then," she smiled still keeping her positive energy. Kissing him in the mouth, not realizing how much she missed doing that until she did.

He smiled when they pulled away, and it was the first genuine smile he'd given all day, but the day had just started. Once again, she kept an open mind.

They did have lunch together. Only, it wasn't just them. It was them and her friends. She kept asking him if he wanted to go out, signaling him really, but he said he didn't want to take her away from her friends. She was again disappointed with his answer. She was hoping they could be alone.

Her mood switched just like that and she didn't feel like eating anymore so she went to class early. It was better to be alone than to lash out on someone else. No one could make her feel anything, it was just how she felt. That's what she always tells herself.

She couldn't control what other's do, she could only control her own feelings. And that's what she did, or tried to. No matter how much she tried, there's always a hint of blame that she put on someone else for how she felt, she felt guilty for it and it's a whole vicious cycle.

It was the same all through out the rest of the day. She thought Aaron might've noticed because at one point he attempted to cheer her up despite his lack of energy in it. Taylor felt bad that he had to do that when she knew he wasn't feeling too good himself. So she smiled and regain her energy, for him.

The days went on quite similarly. At first, Taylor only thought that he was just tired from his trip or that he needed some time alone, but it's been going on for over a week and Taylor couldn't help but wonder what happened during that trip.

She sees Harry from the corner of her eye struggling to answer the questions on the sheet. Taylor kept her time for him to a minimum these days to keep herself sane. But she wasn't actively avoiding him. They see each other when they see each other.

Taylor wants to ask him, about her current problems since she wanted to hear from a guy's perspective but if she was being honest, preferably she would choose someone else other than him. Not knowing why she thinks it would be awkward when they were friends. But she wasn't too keen on finding other guy friends.

"Harry," she whispered. When he didn't notice, she repeated until he finally hummed an answer. "Can I talk to you? After school?"

"Um, yeah, sure," he kept his eyes on the sheets, still scribbling, "hey, what's the answer to number seven?"

Taylor looked at her sheet of paper and searched for number seven, "CH3COOH."

"Great, thanks."

He got up right after writing the answer on the paper, taking all his belongings as he walked up to the teacher's desk and collect his sheet.

Show off, she thought.

\-----

They met up at Rabella, they haven't been in a while. Sitting opposite each other while Harry devoured a spoonful of his red velvet cake.

Taylor only stared and wait for him to give her a signal for her to start talking. When he glanced, she guessed that was it.

"Okay, um I-" she started, still thinking about the words, unsure of what to say or if she wants to say it. "I- I want to ask you something." Her look was all serious but she was doubtful. "Or more for advice, really."

She started fidgeting with her fingers under the table, still looking at him with seriousness. When he hummed to indicate that he was listening, she just felt annoyed. She didn't feel like he was taking it seriously. The hesitation that she felt from before she even got here got bigger and the courage she mustered just to ask him to be here to talk disappeared.

Taylor shook her head, "actually, it's nothing." She smiled right after, masking her disappointment. But he stopped eating and looked at her properly, for a second she thought maybe she could.

"I'm listening, I promise." He reached his hand out across the table as if for her to hold, but hers stayed under the table, holding on to each other.

"No, I know, it's just-" she looked down at her lap, noticing the stain on her jeans, "nevermind."

"Taylor," her name coming out of his mouth sounded so perfect, it's her favorite sound added by the tilt of his head and his concerned eyes. She felt cared for. But even then, she wasn't one to tell easily.

"Harold," she mirrored his gesture only adding a smile in which he respond with a frown. "Let's just talk about something else, please?"

Harry sighed in defeat and straightened his head to it's original position and pulled his hand back to his side which Taylor felt slightly disappointed by.

He was still not talking and she doesn't know how to start a conversation after that. "Harry? Please?"

He licked his lips, seeming like he was thinking about what he wanted to say, "Wesleyan got back to me."

Taylor's mouth turned agape as it was news to her then it quickly turned to a wide smile. She was proud of him and it showed in her reaction. She didn't say anything say anything but the grin never left her face. Harry couldn't hide the smile creeping on his face. His cheeks turned bright red. He was shy, something that doesn't happen often.

"Stop it."

"What?" She said still grinning at him like a child. "When did you find out?"

"Last week," he shrugged.

Taylor's eyebrows furrowed, "and you didn't tell me."

"If you had time for me maybe I would have," he accused. It was a valid statement, one she chose to ignore because responding would give it away.

Instead she chose a safe path, "I'm proud of you." The smile still on her face, only softer now.

He took a moment then said, "it's not Columbia."

"No, it's not. It's still something... and Columbia will come too."

They went home not long after that, just a little catch up. He drove her home and stayed for dinner, which was weirdly normal. Her mom cooked and they chatted some more on the dinner table.

It wasn't after Harry went home that she remembered that she hadn't told Aaron where she was the whole day, but checking her phone it didn't seem like he was even looking for her. There was no text, no calls, no nothing. It was like he didn't even care. Don't get her wrong, Taylor was never the type to like the clingy or possessive ones where they had to know where she was or who she was with at all times, she despised that. But it was almost like he didn't care at all.

It went on for weeks. So much so that Taylor gathered up the courage to talk to him about it. When she did, he apologized and seemed to genuinely be sorry about it. Said he had a lot on his mind and just needed time. It was better after that but it didn't last.

At this point, Taylor was too tired to fix it, so she just let it be. Somehow she just accepted it. At the same time, she didn't feel like there was anything wrong anymore. She didn't expect him to take her on dates or go out and that was fine. They still do that sometimes, but she never expected him to.

Taylor was watching Tangled with Harry on her bed, a bowl of homemade popcorn between them.

"I can't believe she married the first guy, first person probably other than her mom, she ever met. Not to mention he's also a fucking criminal." Harry had commented, the same thing he says the other hundredth times they had watched this movie.

"Okay, but when a guy took you to see that," she pointed at the screen where Flynn and Rapunzel were on the boat with lanterns surrounding them, "I'd marry him too."

Harry looked at her like she was being ridiculous.

"You're such a girl"

"So? I wish someone would do that for me."

Taylor didn't notice his eyes on her lovingly, her own still focused on the movie. They had been planning on this for awhile. Not the movie, just hanging out. Taylor felt guilty about avoiding him previously. It was a constant cycle, it seemed: they'd hang out, one of them starts distancing themselves, felt guilty, tried to mend things and back to square one. She hoped this time it didn't go like that though.

Taylor's phone buzzed on the bedside drawer, she leaned back to reach it.

Aaron

She sighed and set her phone back. It's been weird between them lately. Even more so than when he first came back. He's been distant and she noticed. Something was off that he's not telling her. Aaron being Aaron wouldn't tell if she didn't ask, she's not sure he would even if she did. And Taylor was exhausted.

She ignored the look of concern Harry gave her when she ignored the second buzz. He didn't say anything at least which Taylor was grateful for because she did not have the capacity to talk about it right now.

They ate pizza on her bed for dinner while watching another movie they found on netflix. There weren't anyone else in the house. Her parents were out of town for business and Caleb was staying at his friend's house. He'd rather that than stay with just Taylor while their parents were away. Taylor took no offense and she considered it as a break from them, really.

"Would you rather drink pee that tastes like orange juice or orange juice that tastes like pee?"

"That's bloody disgusting," he cringed, "i guess orange juice that tastes like pee."

"ew"

"At least I'm not drinking pee."

Taylor shrugged

"Okay, would you rather give up listening to music or reading a book for the rest of your life?"

It took too long for her to answer

"You're over thinking this," Harry said after quite a while. Taylor wanted to argue but had nothing to say. She was overthinking this. "Okay, different question, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? See simple question."

Taylor paused again, thinking about it perhaps too hard for a hypothetical question.

"Probably Sweden, so my children would have the best education," her face lighted up as she said them as if she had the best answer but Harry only giggled at her silliness.

"What?"

"You're still overthinking this," he grinned at her annoyingly.

She made different faces as some sort of argument, but again she had none. "I can't help it okay I-" she was cut off by the sound of her phone vibrating on her drawer. She didn't need to look to know who it was. She let out a loud groan.

"You should take that."

"It's fine," she faked a smile, which he clearly noticed when he frowned at her. "Fine."

She got up from her bed and picked up her phone. Her floor was cold, she flinched when it touched her feet.

"Hello," she spoke as she made her way to the balcony for some privacy.

"Hey," he answered at the other end. He sounded tired, like he's already half asleep. His voice rough and a pitch lower than his usual tone. "You didn't answer my calls or texts."

Taylor felt bad now. Just in his tone, she could tell something was wrong, maybe he had needed her and she couldn't even set aside her ego and pick up the damn phone. Instead she was laughing with someone, who before all of this, she was in love with. What kind of girlfriend was she.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"I missed you today."

Taylor swallowed. Guilt eating her up. She had purposely ignored him today, she didn't think he'd notice. But of course the one time she wished he didn't, he did.

"Is there something wrong?" ignoring his statement.

He paused for a bit, "no, just wanted to hear your voice."

Taylor didn't say anything. She could hear him shuffling on the other line. The sounds of his breath in a steady pace. Taylor rubbed her bare forearms to give it some kind of warmth, feeling the goosebumps caused by the wind. She stayed quiet, waiting for him to say something. The only thing that came was his sniffles.

"Goodnight, Taylor."

"Goodnight."

The line ended before she finished and she stayed there, in her balcony with her phone in her hand, looking into the dark. She almost forgot about the guy in her room.

When she came back he had already put on his boots and jacket, ready to leave. Taylor thanked him for keeping her company and he argued that she would probably be fine alone in which she agreed. The house was quiet after he left.

\-----

Taylor was furious.

He was drunk. Of course he was. The one time that he told her he missed her, he had been drunk. There wasn't a problem, he didn't need her. He just went off and got wasted with those friends of his.

There was probably a problem if he had to get drunk, because it's just not something he does for fun and she knew that but she didn't think of that when she stormed out of his house when she came by to check on him.

She had a bad feeling when she entered his house - it was unlocked, already a bad sign - and found a person passed out on the couch with some kind of liquor bottle next to it. The smell of smoke still evident as she got to his room. There was someone sleeping on the floor, Aaron still on his bed. A smell of what she recognized as vodka reeking from where it spilled on the rug.

"what the fuck"

She heard shuffling and groaning from the bed indicating he was awake. She wanted to get out of there. Run. "Taylor?"

She looked up to see him sitting up. Her mouth agape and eyes wide. Her body unconsciously made its way out of the house, slamming the doors on her way out. She drove away before he could run after her, saying his sorry and things she didn't want to hear.

He had nothing to be sorry for. She didn't have a right to judge him or his actions, if he wants to get wasted or high or whatever, he can. She can't stop him. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. But still, she was furious.

Disappointed was probably the righter word for it. What she found back there, that wasn't him. It wasn't the person she fell in love with.

God she sounded like a prick.

She cursed to herself multiple times. Each one louder than the previous, pounding her hand on the steering wheel. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Why the fuck was she being such a bitch?

One her nail broke from pounding, motherfucker she cursed under her breath. She sucked on where it hurt and bit off the end of it, spitting it out.

She let out one last curse and thought about what's going to happen after. He'd say he's sorry, for no reason, she'll forgive him even if she's still pissed, for no reason, he'd try to make it up to her, maybe go out or buy her a gift, they'll ignore the problem and act like it never happened, everything goes back to normal.

Taylor groaned, knowing that's exactly how this is going to go.

The gift was in the form of A Hard and Heavy Thing by Matthew J. Hefti. Motherfucker

She didn't ask why, when he gave her his pleading eyes, she decided to accept it. Taylor still didn't understand why he was sorry, he didn't do anything, as far as she knew. She trusts him, she has to.

She also had no idea why he thought a novel about the war would make anything better. But she ended up loving it anyway even though the storyline irks her a little. Aaron had said that there was a chance of someone loving two people, Taylor was more cynical.

\-----

"Happy birthday!"

Taylor was shocked. Heads turned in their direction at the noise. She tried to remember what date it was, and sure enough it was December thirteenth. Her confusion transformed into an awkward smile. "Right, thank you, guys."

Taylor wasn't fond of her birthday, haven't been since she turned seven. It wasn't an special occasion or a big thing, it's a normal day. She had usually been reminded of it when her parents would wish her a happy birthday in the morning. But her family wasn't home and there was no wish, so this was the first she was reminded of it.

"You forgot," Dani snarked.

Taylor just shrugged and sat down on the bench, putting her tray of lunch down. "I didn't," an obvious lie. They all rolled their eyes as they sat down on their own seats.

"How do you forget your own birthday?"

Again, Taylor just shrugged.

When the conversation started, Taylor try to keep up but she mostly just listens rather than talking. They made plans to have dinner together later that night, apparently there was a new restaurant Sophia really wanted to go to. Even though Taylor knew it was a ploy for her surprise birthday party or whatever - how do they expect her to not know - she acted oblivious to their blatant scheme. Taylor wanted to turn them down, she'd rather have a quiet night, but that would be rude and ungrateful. They'd be disappointed. So she played along.

Aaron joined them at the table soon after. He gave her a kiss on the cheek after wishing her a happy birthday. It was the first time she saw him today, he needed to run some errands this morning. She blushed at the affection, there wasn't a lot of that lately. Somehow Aaron joined the conversation and even made a few comments every now and then. She could tell he was making an effort. By the end of break he ended up stealing half of her meal which she didn't mind.

"Happy birthday!"

Taylor jumped, almost dropping her textbooks. "What the fuck"

Taylor turned around to find that sorry face of his. He was holding a cupcake with a lit up candle on it. He held it with both hands and it was odd, his massive hands holding that one cupcake.

"Happy birthday," he repeated more calmly. "Now blow it out before the fire alarms go off." It made her giggle. She took a big breath, her cheeks like chipmunk's before she blow it out. She clapped right after like a little kid.

"It's chocolate," he informed as he handed it to her.

She took out the candle, keeping it in her left hand while her right brought the cupcake closer to her mouth. She licked the icing on top, just a little as to not touch her nose. She tilted her head in joy at the sweet taste. The icing had a minty taste to it making it all the better. Showing how pleased she was with it in hums.

"Thank you," she finally said after she finished the whole thing as he watched. She made a pop sound with her fingers as she licked the icing off of them. "So, you coming to dinner?"

The way she asks was too casual as if she wasn't talking about something that was supposed to be a secret.

"What dinner," he tried to act oblivious which failed miserably and just made him look dumb. Taylor scold him with a look. Come on

"Yes," he admitted. "Please act like you're at least a little surprised when you get there, they've worked hard on this."

"Wasn't planning on anything else."

It was a really nice restaurant. It was decorated nicely too. With silver, black, and white balloons hanging all around the room. A silver fringe curtain at one corner of what she assumed was a photobooth. All her friends were there, and she means all her friends, even the ones she's not that close with or didn't talk to anymore. There were even friends from primary. They really did went all out for this. It was more people than she expected and definitely way more people than she preferred.

As planned, she acted surprised when they emerged when she entered the place. Even gave one of those humbling, you didn't have to do this and this is too much.

They didn't have to, of course and it was too much if she was being honest. But it made them feel good. She gave a knowing smile to Harry who's standing in a corner raising his glass.

Surprise parties always feel hostile. She couldn't talk her way out of this. This was her party, even if she didn't want it to be. Seeing all of her friends together is...weird, to say the least. Taylor always kept her friends separate, knowing their characters didn't necessarily match.

Just seeing her friends from her school committee and her girl friends hanging out together was strange, not to mention her childhood friends talking to her new ones. Taylor hoped that they weren't talking about her even though she knew they were. At the very least, she hoped they don't go into very detail because Taylor wasn't always completely honest about her past.

When they brought out the cake, a thought came to her mind, who was paying for all of this

Sophia, definitely.

certainly

Taylor knew Sophia was well off, but still she felt somewhat guilty, even if she didn't ask for this. How can she repay her for this. If it was the other way around, Taylor couldn't afford this. It was stuck in her mind as the cake was brought closer to her and everyone was standing in a circle around her singing happy birthday.

Her eyes glued to the cake, her mind was nowhere.

When she blew out her candles, she didn't make a wish. People were cheering, mumbling things she couldn't make out. They took pictures, lots and lots of pictures. If she forgets anything the next day, she was sure there a was a picture to remind her.

"Aaron, I-," she took out the vintage polaroid camera from the salmon colored box it came with. "Thank you."

She's been wanting a polaroid camera for ages, she remembered mentioning it in a casual conversation a few times, but she didn't expect him to actually pay attention. Her heart fluttered at his thoughtfulness, but perhaps not as much as it used to. She's working on that. She smiled at him for quite some time before Sophia interrupt.

"Open mine! open mine!" she cheered excitedly.

Taylor took the huge box wrapped in a floral patterned wrapping, set it in her lap. It was huge on her thigh. With her fingers, she delicately unwrapped it right where they were taped so it doesn't ruin the wrapping paper.

She can already see the gucci letters peaking from the side where she opened it and her heart dropped. Not because she didn't like it, it was just too much. Taylor had to resist the urge to give it back. Even if Sophia can afford this, it didn't make it less expensive, especially for someone still in high school. Sophia was smiling so wide when Taylor looked up, and she wanted to hand it back.

The maroon purse was gorgeous. Taylor didn't even want to think about how much it costs. She accepts it with a smile. It would be more offensive if she gave it back.

"Well?"

"I love it."

And she did

Before she knew it, it was the end of the night. People started leaving, said their goodbyes. Her friends helped her load all her gifts into Harry's trunk, some were in the backseat. Apparently, he was in charge of taking her home.

"Thank you for all of this," Taylor spoke as she hugged Grace who one of the last ones to leave along with Sophia and Dani, "you guys didn't have to do this."

"We wanted to. Get home safe, okay."

" 'kay, bye, love you"

"Love you. Bye Harry," Grace smirked waving at the seemingly bored Harry on the other side of the car.

"What are we waiting for," Taylor spoke when they were in the car. They weren't moving.

"I haven't given you my present yet."

He stretched out his long limbs to the back seat of the car to reach for a box. Groaning, as he struggled to find it.

"Ha, here it is," handing it to her after her got back into his seat.

Taylor opened it, revealing a lavender hoodie she was all too familiar with. She hold it up to take a better look at it, yep it was the same hoodie.

"This is my hoodie," she remarked, still holding it up.

"No, this was my hoodie that you stole. But now I'm giving it to you so you don't have to steal it," he grinned, testing her patience. She was tired and worn out and he decided to make a joke.

"Wow, thank you so much," in her most sarcastic voice.

"You're welcome," he was still grinning. "Put it on."

"I know what it looks like."

"Just put it on," he insisted, so she did it, rolling her eyes in the process.

"Happy? can we go now please."

Taylor didn't pay much attention to the road so it took her a while to notice that they weren't going home. By the time she did, they were in unknown territory for her. It was dark, the only source of light coming from their vehicle. The trees were tall, leaves wet with the rain from before.

Harry turned into a dirt road, moving them further into the darkness. He kept driving until he stopped. The air was freezing when he opened her side of the door for her, instantly giving her chills. She was grateful for the hoodie he made her wear now. He waited for her to get out but she didn't move an inch and just stare at him in confusion.

"I'm not getting out there," she spat staying still on her seat.

"Come on, trust me," he was pleading.

Still Taylor refused to get out of the comfort of his car and into the cold, "I'm wearing heels," she reasoned. There was no way she was going into the woods.

Harry disappeared to the back of the car, Taylor could hear the trunk open and then closed. When he reappear, he was holding a pair of birkenstocks. Taylor sighed in defeat and exchanged her heels for the grey sandals.

He held out his hand for her to take, the other one holding a flashlight. Taylor held his hand in one hand and her brand new polaroid camera in the other because Harry told her to bring it. Her body shivered with the freezing air. Taylor could barely see the path they were taking even with the flashlight so she had to trust Harry to guide her. There was rustles around them and she mindlessly moved closer to Harry. They're gonna die here

He suddenly stopped in his tracks and told her to stay still before he walked away with a flashlight. He didn't even wait for her respond and just left her in the dark, literally.

She could hear the sounds of his steps and what sounds like something hitting water. Then, there was a light, small, and she couldn't make out what it was, her vision blurry, so she walked towards it, Harry appearing half way. As she got closer, the object become more clear. It was like a night like she used to have as a child. She took her hand again, helping her watch her steps as she stepped onto a more level surface, planks of woods.

Closer and closer

It wasn't a night light

a lantern

Her doubts and fear faded away, then it was just pure joy.

Harry stepped into the canoe first and carefully helped her step in too. The surface wobbled as she step in one foot at a time, she would've fell if it wasn't for his hand to keep her steady. Once they were secured, he paddled them away from the dock. They were on the opposite sides of the tiny canoe, separated with the lantern between them which was held by strings tying them so they won't fly away.

He stopped paddling when he thought they were far enough and finally noticed her stare. She had been staring at him admiringly all the way from the docks. There was also a hint of teasing in her stare, you are a hopeless romantic, they said.

Harry held out his flashlight in the direction of the docks and turned it on and off and on and off like a signal, she didn't know what it means.

It was the most magical thing

One by one lights begin to light up around the woods where they were from, flying into the sky slowly, some close some far. It was just like how she dreamed of.

"Wait," he interrupted her astonishment. Taking out his phone, he put on I See The Light and her smile grew wider if that was even possible.

The melody filled the atmosphere. The soft sound of Mandy Moore filling in the silence.

Her hand moved to the rope guided by his, untying them to release the lit up lantern. As it slowly levitates, her eyes followed it, gaze seemingly amazed, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight, almost like how rapunzel's did in the movie.

Right then, her heart was filled with joy, and childlike glee, love and happiness, as were his, but Taylor didn't know that.

Too busy being amazed by the sights around her, she didn't notice him stealing the camera away from her until she heard a clicking noise followed swiftly with a flash. He put the film down carefully to let it set and took another of her startled face.

"Happy birthday, Taylor."

He was smiling at her genuinely, but hers changed. Then, he was scared.

"No one's ever done anything like this for me," in the softest expression he had ever seen her, and he let out a breath of relief.

Never in her wildest dreams would Taylor think that someone could care about her enough to do all of this. Go to all this trouble, just to make her happy.

"How did you- " she was still at lost for words, mesmerized.

He shrugged, "I asked a couple of favors."

There was a hint of sadness in her smile as she took in all the lights around her. It wasn't as many as in the movie, but it was enough to make her heart flutter. She wondered if this was real or was she just dreaming again. If she had fallen asleep on her way home and she was imagining all of this. But it felt too real, then again all her dreams felt too real.

Without thinking, she leaped into his arms, shaking the small boat with her sudden movement. Harry was taken aback but quickly regain his composure and wrapped his arms around her small figure, burying his face into her hair just like Taylor did on his neck.

"This is the best birthday I could ever imagine," she whispered on his neck which made a smile crept on Harry's face.

They stayed like that for a while and Taylor could smell the cologne he had put on before going out of the house earlier. She shut her eyes for a second, wondering if she opened them that this would disappear, but it didn't. The music still faintly playing in the background, the sound of water beneath them, crickets in the distance. In this moment she remembered a reason why people like birthdays and why she did once as well.

They pulled away but the smiles on their faces never faded. She held out her polaroid camera and snap him sneakily just for her to keep in case she ever forgets about this moment even though she knew she wouldn't.

A vibration beside her broke their silence.

"Hello?" she was looking at him while answering her phone, didn't even look at the ID.

"Happy birthday,"

It was her brother, older brother, Austin. Taylor wasn't surprised he had called this late, he always does that on her birthday.

"Thanks," she then looked away as if that way Harry wouldn't be able to hear her in the small space.

"Hey listen, I don't know if I can come home till Christmas."

Her smile faded. Taylor was disappointed, sure but not so much surprised. She's heard this a thousand times before. Disappointed everytime, but everytime it would be a little less, with lower and lower expectations.

"It's fine." It's not

"I'll get you double presents, I promise," she's heard that a thousand times too.

"You better," she replied in the most cheery yet teasing voice she could muster to mask her disappointment.

When the phone call ended, Harry gave her a look of pity, which she despised. Honestly it wasn't as bad as everyone think it is. She shrugged it off.

"It's late, we should get home," he suggested after a moment.

She thought of her empty bed, in her empty house, the night of her birthday. "Let's stay for a while."

It was well over 3 AM when Taylor got home. The lights were all out because it was too early to light them when she left the day before. She put all the polaroids taken that night and put it away in a box for her to hang up later. There were so many she didn't even notice Harry had stolen one, the one of her startled in the lake under the lanterns.

Her whole body ached like she'd just done a marathon when in reality she just went to a party, her party. She felt like she had a hangover when she's pretty sure she didn't drink that much from the bottle they sneaked into restaurant because they were underage. Every limb in her body wanted to crash, but the moment she laid in bed, she was wide awake.

She thought about the events of the night, how wonderful, magical... also incredibly sad it was. It wasn't that it was sad, but she was.

She recalled the lights and the music and the atmosphere, and how it made her feel. Despite it being Harry, no one has ever made her feel like that. And Taylor felt guilty because she should feel like that, but not with Harry. So she decided then.

Her phone was almost dead but it was still on. She gathered her courage and conjure up a small text to Aaron to talk then put it down, afraid he would answer right away despite it being 4 AM and he was probably asleep.

She had said she wanted to talk, but it didn't end up in the way she planned.

It was tense, the moment they saw each other. Aaron seemed as if he was holding his breath while Taylor was definitely holding hers. He seemed anxious, like he knew what she was about to say.

Before Taylor could get to what she came here to do, to what she's been thinking about all night, he spoke. "I want to say something"

"Okay"

He paused, taking a deep breath.

"Taylor I'm sorry," he croaked, she could see it in his eyes that he meant it. "I know that lately I haven't been the best boyfriend or even a good boyfriend, I acknowledge that." He took her hand in his and Taylor wanted so much to believe him, but she wasn't convinced just yet.

"Aaron-"

"I promise you I'll try. I know that I've said that before but I mean it this time. I'll try to be better, to be there for you. I want to earn your trust again, I know that somewhere along the way I've lost it, and that's on me. You don't even talk to me anymore and that's not your fault. I've been distant, I have a lot on my mind but I know that I shouldn't let it out on you. I can't promise you that I can tell you everything about my life, we all have secrets, you have yours too, but I'll try."

He let go of her hand and took out something from his jacket pocket. It was a simple small navy box. He laid it on one of her palm and she used the other hand to open them. It revealed a silver necklace with a small key as a pendant. Taylor was agape with all the thoughts running through her mind.

"It's a promise, that I'll try to be better, if you give me the chance," his eyes were pleading, gleaming with tears.

She shook her head, "I can't take this."

She closed the case shut and shove it into his chest. When he wouldn't take it back Taylor looked directly in his eyes, her eyes teary because this was harder than she thinks. Her lips trembling trying to hold them back.

Aaron finally took it back and look down, disappointed. "Okay," he whispered, not looking at her. "But please, just give me a chance."

Taylor thought about what she came here to do. She wanted to end things. She thought about why she wanted to end things: because he never made her feel like Harry did last night? Now she thinks maybe he just hasn't done that yet, maybe he will. This was hard enough as it is but she didn't expect him to say any of this before she could make up her words. She wanted to believe that he wanted to do better and after that, she convinced herself that she did.

He gave her that same necklace a month after that day, but this time she gladly put it on. She wears it everywhere, rarely ever takes it off. It was a reminder that he wanted to try. He took her on dates again and comes over every once in awhile. They'd talk to each other about their day, but they also know their boundaries. Taylor still has her guards up but he didn't seem to mind. They talk through their fights and arguments but sometimes they still ignore them, which Taylor hoped they'll work on.

He was the first person she told when she got accepted at Columbia, and Penn State, and UC Berkeley, and Ohio State. But the only thing that mattered to her was Columbia. She had been ecstatic, couldn't keep her eagerness to herself. He had taken her on celebratory dinner then. Taylor was the first person he told her when he got into colleges too. North Carolina and UC Berkeley. He said he was going to go to Berkeley and Taylor was happy that he made his own decision, even if that decision happen to be in other side of the country to where she will be. They'll make it work.

Taylor still had her doubts in the back of her mind whether this would end up just like last time. It came to her especially during their fights or at times when he'd disappear. She has her suspicions but it was only that, suspicions, so there was no point in starting a fight over nothing, so she kept it to herself.

"What do you think about this one?"

"Are you going to a church," Sophia fired. Taylor frowned at her answer, holding the baby blue dress. It was kind of vintage looking with the white laces and the long sleeve and it was long enough to cover her legs and end at her calves. Taylor was just trying to look appropriate.

Sophia got up from the bed and rummage through Taylor's closet and she just succumb to it, walking toward where Sophia was on the edge of the bed.

Sophia took out a maroon mini dress that Taylor was sure was a size too small the last time she wore it. "Are you kidding? I'm meeting his mother," she scolded.

"You guys have been dating for what, two years? and you've meet his mother a dozen of times."

Taylor shook her head, "that still doesn't make it okay."

"This is why you've never met anyone's mother," Grace spat leaning against the headboard.

"Ouch," Sophia looked fake hurt.

It was Dani's turn to look through her closet, "Okay, let's see." She kept rummaging through, stopping when something caught her eye, look at it for a moment to decide if it was the one, then went back when it wasn't.

Eventually she settled for a beige flowy dress that stop just under her knees. She put on an off white cardigan over it to cover her arms. It was appropriate enough, she thinks. She wouldn't wear this on the regular, but she was seeing Aaron's mom, and as much as she already knew her, she wanted to look nice. Tying her hair up into a neat pony tail, she thought she looked good.

Taylor was nervous through out the drive to his house, she hadn't seen his mom in a few months. She kept fiddling with her fingers although Aaron reassured her there was nothing to worry about, they were only having dinner. To be honest Taylor didn't know how to act in front of his mom anymore. She wondered if Aaron had said anything about their situation, if she knew that they were on the brink of a breakup at one point. For all Taylor knew, she might hate her now.

To Taylor's surprise, his mom welcomed her with open arms just like she always did before. It didn't wipe away her nerve though. Taylor helped set up the table and even cook for a little bit. After, she sat in her place at the dinner table, her back straight, crossing her ankles. She posed in how she thought would be the most flattering and put on her prettiest smile.

"Taylor, how is your mom?" Mrs. Peterson asked.

Taylor held up her held, "She's good. Pretty busy."

"What has she been doing?"

Taylor thought about it and to be honest she doesn't quite know, "I'm not sure, to be honest."

His mom chuckled and Taylor joined in, "the most important thing is she's working."

The dinner resumed with minimal conversation, mostly his mom asking her questions or telling stories about Aaron from when he was younger, which Taylor probably already heard before but listened anyway to be polite.

"Aaron told me you're going to Columbia."

She couldn't hide the joy everytime someone mentions it. It's still surreal to her that she actually got in. "Yes, I'm going to take architecture."

"I'm glad to hear it. Woman who knows her goals are very important."

Taylor nodded in agreement. "New York is far though, your mom must be upset her little girl is going away."

"I think she'll like it actually," she joked.

"I'm sure she'll miss you, Aaron definitely will," she looked at his son who tensed up just then. Taylor was unclear as to why.

Taylor chuckled, turning to Aaron with furrowed eyebrows but mouth still in a smile. "New York's a long way from California but I'm sure we'll make time to at least call."

"California?" Mrs. Peterson asked confused, Taylor was as well. When Taylor turned her attention to Aaron, his expression was full of guilt and Taylor knew.

She tried to think of something, "My mom, she's going to California for awhile." Taylor's heart felt heavy and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Tears threatening to fall down her face, but she held it in.

It wasn't brought up for the rest of the night but Taylor could still cut the tension with a knife. She tried her best to keep herself calm and collected and not make a scene in front of his mother and ruin the night. As soon as dinner was done and she helped clean up, she didn't hold back.

The tension continued as they were alone in his room and no one said a word. She burned a hole in his head with her stare. Agony, anger, disappointment. He was the first to break the silence.

"I can explain."

Taylor was quiet, waiting for him to continue his so called explanation. Aaron wasn't expecting that, honestly he had hoped she would interrupt. He didn't have anything to say, when Taylor realized this, she scoffed harshly.

I promise I'll be honest with you

The words ring in her head which only agitated her more. How was she that stupid, how many times have they been in this situation. It seemed like everything in her life is just a cycle of torment.

I love you

They're just words now.

Taylor was tired, this has taken so much of her time and energy, she didn't have it in her to fight anymore. So she sighed and calmed herself down.

"You're not going to Berkeley," it was more of a statement than a question. He shook his head with his head bowed. "You're getting listed," another statement.

"Yes."

"When?" Taylor asked through gritted teeth, he gave her a look of confusion. "When did you get listed? It's why you've been disappearing right?" she clarify.

"About two weeks ago," he confessed.

Taylor's head shot up, to hell with being calm. "Two weeks?!"

"I was going to tell-"

"When? When you leave? You're just going to break up with me one day and run?"

Her voice got higher and higher as she continued.

"Of course not-"

"Then when?!" she was shouting at this point. Aaron was taken aback, his mouth agape, his eyes full of horror. "You've been lying to me for at least two weeks, months maybe for all I know because I know that you didn't just decide you wanted to get listed one day. You've thought about this, and you still lied to me." Her voice broke by the end. Tears from when she held back at dinner fell free.

He avoided her stare, quietly he said, "I wanted to think about it by myself," his voice small and ashamed.

Taylor scoffed, she's been doing that a lot lately. Through the sobs she mustered, "you don't trust me."

Taylor could read him like a book at times like this, and she doesn't doubt her guts anymore. She was certain about it. It took some time to stop her sobbing and in that time she wished he would hold her close despite his pride, but she knew that even if he did that her pride would push him away.

"I'm tired, I'm gonna go home."

When he took a step toward her, out of reflex, she took a step back, crossing her arms on her chest defensively.

"Let me drive you," he offered.

"Sophia's already on her way," without looking at him, she passed him to the door and ran down the stairs. Taylor had already bid her farewells to his mom right after dinner when she excused herself to get some rest.

Taylor cried all the way home, Sophia didn't have to ask why. It was one of the very few times Sophia had ever seen her cry or just be vulnerable in general. It was usually the other way around. It was heartbreaking to see her friend crumbling right in front of her eyes, Sophia thought. She wanted to stay with Taylor that night and held her tight all night but she also knew that Taylor needed some time to herself.

Taylor didn't see anyone until Monday when she had to see people. She did her best to seem okay enough for people to not be worried and for the most part she kept her distance from everyone so she doesn't have to pretend. She thought she succeeded in doing that as no one – apart from the people who already knew – seem to show concern.

She kept herself together enough for the rest of the day but at night it was a different story. As much as she knew it was going to happen sooner or later because apparently the universe couldn't stand to see her be happy for too long, it still came as a surprise to her.

On Wednesday, Taylor went home early. Her head felt dizzy and she could go for a few hours of extra sleep. As it has been recently, her house was completely empty when she arrived. Her parents spent more time out of town than they do at home. Her little brother had been staying at their grand parents' house for more than a week now. It's good, she thinks, that her brother's staying with them. They take care of each other. Taylor would stay there too if she didn't prefer being on her own.

It was a loud knock that woke her from her nap. It came from downstairs, which meant that it wasn't her family.

"Taylor!"

Of course it's him, Taylor thought to herself. Taylor had been successful in avoiding him for a couple of days, and even when they did see each other, she acted normal. Fuck

Then it came to her mind that she was supposed to help him pick out presents for his sister's birthday after school. Quickly, she got up on her feet, straightened out her shirt – for once her laziness saved her from having to change into another shirt – brushed her hair barely and grabbed her stuff swiftly before leaping down the stairs.

Another pounding at the door. "A minute!" as she raced to the door. Then another knock. "Calm your hor-" she came to a halt when it revealed a frowning Harry holding a brown paper grocery bag to his chest.

Shit

She gulped then let out a loud sigh of defeat, stepping aside to let him in.

He made his way to the living room while she locked the door. Taylor bowed her ahead when she followed him, her arms hugging herself. He sat down on the couch and set the bag on the coffee table in front of him. Taylor was still standing, afraid she might break down if she were to get closer to him.

"How'd you know?" she asked, he wouldn't be here with those stuff if he didn't know.

"I asked Grace where you were, and the rest just kind of spilled out." Of fucking course. In Grace's defense, she didn't know that he didn't know and there was no instructions to not tell him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Taylor didn't know. She just didn't. She didn't want him to know? Maybe. But what, did she think that he wouldn't find out?

"I don't know. Because it's embarrassing."

He sighed in pity, in another situation he would've laughed at her answer. "Taylor, I showed up here in the middle of the night piss drunk calling out to you when I got dumped, that's embarrassing." He managed a small chuckle and Taylor couldn't help but do the same thing. Taylor remembered that night very clearly.

Not long after, his frown returned to his face. Taylor plopped down on the space next to him with a sigh. He then reached forward to take out the two pints of Ben and Jerry's he had brought with him and handed one to her. He looked for spoons in the kitchen then returning to his spot.

For about the first quarter of the pint, they just ate in silence. He was letting her take her time, which Taylor greatly appreciated as she mustered up the courage to recount the event.

It was ringing in her mind, the things that were said.

"We can't have a relationship if we can't be honest with each other!"

"I was going to tell you!"

"But that didn't happen did it" they were shouting at this point. "You said you were going to be honest with me, yet you still lied to me, for weeks." Emphasize on weeks.

Taylor got her mind back and told Harry part of what happened. It wasn't to protect anyone, not Taylor, not Aaron, it was only because she didn't want to relive every hurtful that they had said to each other, otherwise she might cry, or cry harder.

"You're such a hypocrite!"

She kept that one to herself too incase Harry decides to act on it. She continued on telling only what she wanted or could tell, leaving out details.

"Excuse me?!"

"You said you were going to support me no matter what,"

"I would if you were just honest with me," she fired back.

He chuckled wickedly, "come on Taylor, we both know this isn't about me keeping this from you. Even if I had told you earlier, you would've responded the same way."

And it wasn't not true. Now that she thought about it again, she was certain she would have.

"I would've supported you if it was your decision."

"What if it is?"

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do." It shattered Taylor. "I know you wanna believe I don't want this, but I do. Is it so wrong to want to make my parents proud."

"I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want to be with someone who was capable of-" she stopped herself. "I want so much to be able to support him, you know? But every bone in my body just won't."

Harry nodded in understanding, unconciously moving scooted closer to her in a protective way. "It's not selfish to know what you want- or um, what you don't want."

"But it wasn't just that. I've been putting this off for months, it felt like this was the last straw. And I thought," sob "I thought that I'd felt more relived when it finally ended, but-"

"Tell me I'm wrong."

She couldn't

"you know this isn't a one sided thing, Taylor," she could see hurt in his eyes, his voice softened, "you haven't been completely honest with me either. You've been shutting me out for months and I'm done pretending like I haven't noticed. I'm trying to make this work but I can't do it on my own, you have to try too."

In her mind Taylor was trying, but apparently that wasn't enough and after everything she didn't think that she had the energy to try harder, too exhausted by their constant cycle of torturing one another. She saw no reason to still fight.

"I can't do this anymore."

And that was it. Taylor was sobbing into Harry's chest by the end of the story. She wasn't planning on that, she thought she had done enough at that in the previous days that she had run dry, it wasn't the first time she was proven wrong.

There was a third of the pint left forgotten on the glass coffee table, it's melted she's sure. He rubbed her back soothingly, his palm warm from the friction. He whicpered words of reassurance in her ear. Taylor couldn't remember why she didn't tell Harry earlier.

When she pulled away, she felt so relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She sobbed but a lot less heavy than before. "I'm fine," she said despite herself and it him chuckled and that seemed to be a chain reaction because she smiled.

"I'll make dinner," he said, taking out the rest of the things from the grocery bag. Taylor didn't feel like eating but Harry would've fed her if she didn't. He made spaghetti carbonara, it was good, a bit salty for her taste but still quite nice. He refused to leave her and decided to stay for the night, to make sure she gets some sleep, he reasoned even though it was a school night.

Taylor slept on the couch while he slept on the carpet. They moved the coffee table so there would be enough space for him to lay down comfortably, though it still wasn't that comfortable.

Harry was holding her hand as they slept, like how Ron and Hermione did in Harry Potter. Taylor couldn't stop thinking about it, she felt slightly lighter. She was glad Grace had told him, even though she wished she had told him herself.

Outside of the occasional reminder that she was no longer in a relationship, in where she would have to take a minute for herself, she was doing fine. Better, at the very least. Her friends, for the most part, had been the one to thank. They had been supporting her, checking up on her making sure she was okay, distracting her from the thoughts, even if at times they went a little overboard. They would have sleepovers and constantly taking her out to make sure she "socializes enough". Harry had been there too. Evidently, they've been taking shifts. Taylor hadn't a clue as to how they'd suddenly get along so well, Harry and her girlfriends.

It's been two weeks and they're still taking turns. Today was Harry's day. There's a spot in her yard where the tree protects them just enough to shield them from the bright sun yet not enough so they couldn't see the blue sky. It's become a thing: them just laying on the spread out picnic blanket on the grass, looking up at nothing.

A butterfly flying above her face made her nose scrunch, her hand reacted by swaying it away. Everytime she breathed, it's a fresh air, and everytime it's more freeing than before. She didn't know why but having Harry with her made it better.

"I have news"

"Okay, shoot"

Clearing his throat, "I um.. I'm no longer waitlisted at Columbia anymore."

It took more than a couple of seconds for Taylor to figure out what he meant, but once she did, she turned hysterical and tackled him even more so to the ground if that was possible. "Oh my God!"

They both laughed in excitement. "Oh my God!" she looked at him wide eyed. "Oh my GOD!" punching him jokingly in the chest.

"You're going to Columbia"

"I'm going to Columbia," he repeated.

"We're going to Columbia," she said in realization. "See, I told you Columbia would come too."

He laughed in response. When she eventually calmed down from the high, she went back to her initial position, still thinking about it, they're both going to Columbia

Harry then interrupted her thoughts, "go to prom with me."

"What?" she sat up, looking down at him. He looked at her with a serious expression, contrasting his laid back position. When she was still confused, he sat up and looked at her properly.

"Go to prom with me," he repeated. Taylor heard him the first time she's just confused. "like, as friends. It'll be fun."

It came as a surprise for Taylor but Harry had been thinking about this for a while, just trying to find the perfect time to ask. This seemed to be as good as it gets, when they have something to celebrate. Even with his calm facade, he was as nervous as when he was in third grade telling his crush he likes her. But she hasn't rejected yet, so at least that was an improvement.

Taylor smirked, "I thought you were going with Susan Fetherly." Taylor hid it with a joke but she hoped it was false because her heart was leaping out of her chest right now and it would break her heart if it turned out to be true.

"Ugh, she needs to stop spreading that rumor," he groaned and Taylor smirked wider. Harry looked at her hopefully.

"I don't know-"

"Come on, I know you've already picked out a dress," Taylor was always going to say yes when he asked but it was entertaining to see him beg. "Please."

"Okay."

\-----

Taylor's friends had convinced her to block Aaron on every platform. On her phone, on every social media, even if they'd see him in the hallway they insist to take another path, even when Taylor had reassurred them that it's fine and that it's been over a month. Taylor hadn't seen him since. Hadn't cried over him since her last session in therapy. Yes, she went to therapy now since she had saved up enough money so she wouldn't have to tell her parents. It's been really good for her, it had even helped her sleep better at night. It was liberating to be able to tell someone her struggles, one of which included Aaron. But it hadn't come up for some time, until now. A day before prom.

It was strange, to get a mail. No one mails anymore, unless it's credit card bills or electricity bills and she's pretty sure those wouldn't address to her.

It was a letter

Dear, Taylor

I don't know how else to reach out, you've blocked me on everything else. I suppose I can e-mail but you've always loved sentimental things. I've been thinking about how it ended, the things that we've said to each other... To think about it, it was the most honest we've been with each other for a long time, maybe even since the day we met. I'm sorry that I've hurt you so bad that you didn't want to try anymore. I understand. Back then I've said all the things that I knew would hurt you because I was angry and hurt and I wanted you to hurt too, and I'm sorry. But, there's so much more things about you that are great than there are bad. Your kindness, your empathy, your strength, your patience, your passion, the way you always smile at people even to those you don't know because it might make someone's day, the way you say thank you to everyone, everything you do for people without expecting anything in return, how you're always there for your friends and you would do anything for them, how you'd listen to stories over and over again and wouldn't show a hint of complaint, how you always make sure to listen to people's struggles and let them know you're there for them even when you're going through something yourself. how you always feel emotions too deeply, how you always try to see both sides, how you constantly give back even though you're short on it, how you would drop everything for the people you care about, how you find joy in the smallest things. Those are just some of things I love about you and I thought you deserve to know that. I'm sorry that I didn't say those earlier and for how we ended things. I really wished it would've worked out between us. I loved you, Taylor. I really, sincerely did. I wish all the happiness in the world because you deserve it. And there's one more thing I want you to know: It is possible for a person to be in love with two people at once, and I was fortunate enough to be one of those people you loved.

Yours,

Aaron

Tears streamed down her face. A mix of joy and sadness and relief. This felt like the closure she needed to completely move on. To close that chapter in her life. She was incredibly grateful for that chapter in her life. She hoped she knew how much she loved him too.

\---

Everyone got ready together at Sophia's house, doing each other's hair and make up. Taylor and Dani were in charge of doing everyone's hair and Sophia and Grace were in charge of make up. The rest enjoyed the service. This was possibly the last time they get to do this together, as after this everyone will be on their own. They're gonna miss this.

Taylor was doing Dani's hair with loud music playing in the background and the sound of everyone singing along, Dani held a mini fan to in front of her face because the heat from the flat iron made her sweat.

Sarah was helping Sophia get into her dress on the other side of the room. "It's stuck!" she muffled, tugging on the zipper with force.

"You have to be gentle," Bea chimed in, which was met with an aggravated Sarah glaring at her. Taylor chuckled at their childish behavior. Bea ignored the stare and came to the rescue, zippering it up with ease.

Harry was the first one to show up, ringing the bell twice. There were a couple of them still doing their hair and make up so Taylor yelled from the balcony to let himself in.

His jaw dropped as he watched her carefully descending down the stairs, barefoot, holding her dress up so she doesn't trip on it. She was breathtakingly beautiful even with the roll-things still in her hair. She was in this appliques tulle covered dress with a really light almost salmon colored based but even lighter than that. The top hugged her figure perfectly while it was more flowy at the bottom.

He was too busy admiring her to notice she had said something. "What was that?"

"You're early," she giggled. "These are beautiful," she pointed at the bouquet of Lilies and Anthurium he was holding. He forgot about those. He saw them on the way over here and it reminded him of her. It costed a fortune but it's worth it. "They're for you," was the only thing he could say while still dumb-struck, awkwardly handing them to her.

"Thank you," he didn't notice how she blushed while taking them off his hands and sniffing them. "We still need quite some time and the others aren't here yet, so make yourself comfortable, there's leftover food in the fridge. I have to get back." She smiled before returning up the stairs, leaving Harry alone. It wasn't until she was out of sight that he answered with an 'okay'.

When his mind finally returned to his body, he realized he didn't even tell her how beautiful she looked. He felt stupid, even though they were going to see each other again later.

One by one their partners showed up. All of them, with the exception of Bea and Jess who went with their friends, went with their boyfriends. And Taylor with her best friend.

The girls went downstairs squealing with excitement. They each look so beautiful and it was easy to differentiate each of their characters just by looking at their choice of dress. Taylor liked to think hers was delicate, Grace wore this tight fitting black feet length dress which showed her curves perfectly, Sophia in a short curve hugging maroon velvet dress with jewelries to accessorize, Bea was more conservative with her long sleeved loose yellow dress, Sarah's was simple and elegant in baby pink, Lizzy wore a grey with silver pattern to match her boyfriend's suit, Dani's was more like Taylor's only more extravagant with the popping red color, and Jess was more vintage looking.

Taylor and Bea were the last one to go downstairs because they had to clean the mess. So Harry was the last one to wait at the end of the stairs for his date and it did not disappoint. Like before, she was holding up her dress in one hand and this time the other hand was holding her heels. Her hair were no longer in the roll things, they were styled to perfection and she had put on red lipstick, which he loved. He was in awe, yet again.

Taylor smiled as she reached him. Before he could say anything she put her hand on his shoulder then bent down to put on her heels. "Okay." She was the same height as him now, and if his own shoes didn't have a little heel too, she would've been taller, but Harry wouldn't mind even if that were the case.

Harry was still speechless when Taylor asked him to help her with the necklace. "Sure," he shook his head to bring his mind back down. She turned around and set aside her hair to one side so he could hook it.Her scent filled his senses as he carefully hook them up as to not get caught up in her hair. "There."

"Thanks," turning her body back to him.

"Taylor, you look," he paused to think about the right word, "ethereal."

Taylor didn't think her cheeks could get even more red but it did, even with the already heavy blush Sophia had put on her earlier. "Thank you," she felt shy. "And you look handsome, as always." He smirked at that.

His suit was a dark colored maroon with a simple black shirt underneath. The end of the sleeves had patterns embroidered on them because he refused to look boring. And he paired them with the finest brown leather boots. When Harry picked out to the outfit, he had thought about her. Wanting something simple but not boring, to let her shine. His hair was messy and yet it was how Taylor liked them.

"Let's take pictures!" Lizzy shouted, interrupting them from their thoughts. "Let's do one of all of us first. Babe do you mind?"

All the girls gathered to one spot, lining up like one of those bridesmaids pictures. Yohan, Lizzy's long time boyfriend took the picture. And another. And another. And another. Basically a lot.

"I want one with Zac!" Grace chimed after they were done with the group photos, at least the girls were.

"Here, I'll take it," Taylor offered and Grace passed her her phone. "1..2..3.., 1..2..3.., 1..2..3.., 1..2..3.., 1..2..3.., 1..2..3..," Taylor kept going until Grace instructed her to stop.

"Thanks."

Taylor was about to step away but then, "me next!"

And it was until everyone had a turn.

"Ooh, I want one with Harry," Sophia vocalized. Harry stood in his spot confused, Taylor was the same. "Look how outfit match!" She explain.

"You don't mind, right?" She asked Taylor.

Taylor shook her head with a chuckled no.

Sophia squealed dragging Harry to find better lighting. Taylor followed where they went. They took a couple of pictures. Harry was stiff and awkward while Sophia was silly and over the top. It made for a good picture, somehow.

"Wait, Taylor hadn't taken any pictures," said Grace. Oh yeah.

"It's fine."

To Taylor's surprise it was Harry who encouraged her too. "Come on," he spoke in the most persuasive manner then preceding to drag her by the wrist.

His poses were more loose than earlier, Taylor was quite comfortable too. They took a formal one, a silly one, a sweet one and they all came out pretty good, Taylor thought.

This was different than what Taylor had thought her pre prom would go. She thought she would be going with her boyfriend, with her parents harassing her with cameras in their face. But her parents were out of town and she didn't have a boyfriend anymore. Looking around the room, she thought this was good too, maybe better.

At one of the slower songs, Harry had asked her to the dance floor. Keeping his hands steady at her waist and hers on the back of his neck. Neither of them good dancers, they only swayed from side to side.

It was there that Taylor felt it. And it's so cliche she wanted to throw up. But staring directly at his eyes, in close proximity, at prom of all places, she knew. She understood what Aaron meant at the end of his letter. Taylor had always been cynical, but now she was experiencing it first hand. Or she had been experiencing it, she just didn't want to admit it.

Taylor wanted so badly to tell him, again, but the fear of rejection was holding her back. But Taylor didn't see the admiring look he gave as she spoke, the adoring stare as she danced silly all night, the loving way he would treat her, how he seemed to always be in a daze whenever he's with her, how he would do anything to see her smile.

All Taylor knew was the initial rejection that she received, how he pushed her away, not knowing he regretted ever doing that to her, how he hated himself. That the reason he pushed her away was because he couldn't face her after how he handled it. How he hated that she found someone else. Taylor didn't know any of that.

But just as Taylor was scared to say anything, Harry was as well. The same thing running through Taylor's mind was also in his. He was afraid that she wouldn't forgive him, and that held him back.

They were each other's person. If only they hadn't been too afraid.

None of them spoke a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, thank you so much! This was way longer than i initially anticipated. I have no idea how it end up being over 30000 words. I'm sorry if this was bad or too cliche but it just something that came to my mind. I apologize for any inaccuracy in my writings because i'm not american and i don't how school there works and also for any grammar mistakes or confusion.
> 
> Anyways thank you again for reading, please vote and comment what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, thank you so much! I'm sorry if this was bad or too cliche but it just something that came to my mind. I apologize for any inaccuracy in my writings because i'm not american and i don't how school there works and also for any grammar mistakes or confusion.


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